Pop culture is ripe with references to women being multi-orgasmic. Women are generally more sensual, sensitive, and nurturing than men. It is discouraging for a man to be told that you are not capable of being able to connect at the same heights as your female partner.
Most men have experienced, at one point or another, dissatisfactory sex. It is easy to put the pressure on yourself, “I have to perform! I have to make her orgasm! I have to be the best lover she has ever had! A modern-day Casanova.” Despite this, many men suffer from premature ejaculation, difficulty getting or maintaining an erection, delayed ejaculation, or simply not quite knowing what to do once “it’s in.” You learn that you are supposed to be dominant. “Be a man,” they say. But what does it mean to be a man?
Is it possible that men are capable of attaining the same mental, emotional, and spiritual heights as women through sexual expression? We look to explore this concept through the concept of multiple orgasms.
It is difficult to enjoy the experience of having sex with a loved one when you are worried about when you will ejaculate. The harder you try to suppress the urge, the quicker you ejaculate. Plus, you are not able to be fully present because of the constant worry over cumming too soon. When it happens, you become apologetic, “I’m so sorry,” or make up excuses, “This usually never happens! It’s been awhile. I’m actually good… I just haven’t done it in a while.”
The truth is, this is all a mask for a lack of sexual mastery. It is difficult for men to speak about these struggles with one another, so they bury it deep into their subconscious, only to have it arise when entering a new relationship with a woman and having to face that dragon all over again. Most men are ill-equipped to have these types of conversations, and it’s not something spoken about in traditional American schools.
Wouldn’t it be great if you didn’t have to worry about having an orgasm, because another one was around the bend?
Well you don’t have to worry or wait in anguish for the next round. In Tantra you can come without going away. This is so liberating as it takes you out of the worry zone and deeply into the moment, where ease and flow create!
It’s amazing when orgasm does not mean that you have to loose your power and wait in sheer embarrassment praying for your penis to become erect again…
Most guys have sex for a few minutes and then come, falling asleep in the arms of his unsatisfied lover. There is much truth to this stereotype. Men typically become tired after ejaculating, and the process of refraction is scientifically normal in men. It takes time for the blood to flow back into the penis. Mentally, men are “checked out” once they ejaculate, and it takes time for them to become mentally aroused again. They are satiated, and have to work up an appetite to go for multiple rounds.
The truth about multiple orgasms for men is that they are possible, but it takes training and commitment. It takes self-control. It is not about withholding the orgasms, as some traditionalists may advise.
Rather, it is about diverting the ejaculation, inward and outward, so that it can build into an ongoing stream of pleasurable energy that may look and feel like an orgasm, but does not involve an ejaculatory release. Attaining this level of sexual mastery requires deep relaxation and focus. Through learning this process, a man can not only become multi-orgasmic, but experience an entirely new sensation: a whole body orgasm!
Ordinary “friction sex” consists of experiencing the orgasm and ejaculation simultaneously. However, these sensations are actually separate functions which stem from opposite sides of the nervous system. It is possible, with training, to experience these two sensations independent of one another.
It is possible for a man to ejaculate without feeling much physical pleasure at all. Most men have experienced this at least once in their lives. Therefore, it must be possible that a man can increase the pleasure volume while decreasing the sense of urgency to release.
To be clear, multiple orgasms and full body orgasms are not the same thing. Men who experience multiple orgasms frequently enjoy pleasurable sensations that are similar to those women feel during a session of multiple orgasms. They report a sense of lightness and tingling that radiates warmth throughout their bodies, carrying with it a nourishing energy that flows through their entire being. This expanded state of arousal can last and last, indefinitely!
The practice of Tantra teaches us that prolonged, multiple orgasms can occur without the feelings of depletion, tiredness, and lethargy that often follow ejaculation.
In ordinary Western sex, a man is spent after he ejaculates a single time, especially after the age of 35 when his hormone levels begin to decline. During an ejaculation, a man loses significant amounts of proteins, vitamins, minerals, and vital life forces. Many major stories point to this mysterious “life force,” from religions to Greek myths. Any man who has gone a week without masturbating can attest to increased energy—that is the “life force” in reference here. This extra energy, joie de vivre.
After an ejaculation, the brain releases sleep hormones, which lead to what I like to call “snorgasms” often complained about by women in their therapists’ offices.
The word “orgasm” is derived from ancient Greek, and means, “to become engorged; a fullness and ripeness that can occur in any organ of the body.” This is different than the modern definition of “orgasm.” However, the ancient Greek definition is quite similar to the Tantric view. In Tantra, the orgasm is not the goal that results at the culmination of a sexual experience. Rather, it a state of aroused awareness that can occur literally anywhere and everywhere throughout the body.
The practice of Tantra teaches us how to reach this physical, mental, and spiritual state by being receptive to the energy flowing through us. By focusing on this energy, we can become deeply aroused while remaining mentally present and centered from within.
This state of mind is the cornerstone for experiencing amazingly satisfying orgasmic experiences. There is simply no “goal” or “performance” to work towards. Rather, this experience is about fully enjoying what is happening in the present moment. This allows men to approach sex from a stance that is anxiety-free, and enjoy any type of sex they wish to have with the sexual partner. They can choose to have quick, passionate sex, but now it will be just that: a choice. They do not have to be slaves to their basic sexual instinct. They can also choose to have slow, intimate sex where they connect with their partner in a way not possible when driven by instinct alone.
The more men and women linger in this state together, the more energy and vitality we are able to absorb, further revitalizing us. This type of orgasm is deep, limitless, and a constant source of powerful energy that can be transmuted into every aspect of life, from creative pursuits to tending to loved ones.
While men cannot control the actual climax once it is occurring, they can learn to ride its waves and experience the immense pleasure and joy it brings. It is similar to a swimmer learning to surf: while he cannot control the ocean, the surfer learns to connect to the power of the ocean. Instead of being overcome by incoming waves, the surfer can eventually become skillful end mindful enough to play with the waves, enjoying the ride.
Maintaining a heightened level of pleasure throughout a series of non-ejaculatory, yet orgasmic, sexual experiences provides numerous benefits to the mind and body. This, in the Tantric view, frequent ejaculation can be depleting because the process of ejaculation causes the man to lose vital energies and nutrients.
On the other hand, after a session of sustaining a high level of pleasure, but not ejaculating, a man can actually feel rejuvenated and energized in the afterglow.
Everyone is entitled to experiencing the pleasure their own bodies allow. I do not agree with austere Taoists who profess that men should never ejaculate unless the intention is procreation. Most men find these methods much too technical, making it difficult to follow through with the practice with any degree of success, or pleasure, for that matter. Not to mention the difficult position it places women in to be in a relationship with a man who is practicing these techniques. It is not sexy, to say the least.
This type of belief is also popular in conservative religions, often viewing pleasure as hedonistic and, ultimately, sinful. This is a negative view of sexual experience that has proven unhealthy for humanity again and again.
I do believe that when the ejaculation occurs as a final state of highly orgasmic interaction, it should be done consciously, with wisdom and intention. When a man “plants his seed” along with an intentional thought or vision, it becomes infused with the creative life force, whether the goal is to create a baby, or to create an empowered reality.
The path to becoming a multi-orgasmic male requires discarding many former modes of thinking, such as envisioning the man as the dominant “performer” in the relationship, who has to give his partner orgasms and fuck her all night long like a character out of a pulp novel. The true experience of multi-orgasmic sex is actually more pleasurable, and satisfying, than any of these pulp authors can even imagine.
It means actually experiencing pleasure in new ways. It requires commitment, mental practice, and an openness to learning new facets of your body. Your body has more features than you currently know. Following the Tantric methods outlined in my blog posts, and taught at my seminars, provides a plan to learning how to develop into a man who is truly confident in their sexuality, and can give and receive pleasure beyond the norm. The path to male multiple orgasms is not easy, but it surely is worth the effort.