A Tantric Sex Surrogate explains how to increase intimacy for more powerful orgasms

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In the vast and Cosmo-flavored world of sex tips, there’s an overabundance of technical advice in circulation.

Touch her g-spot like so. Try the corkscrew blowjob. Put a pillow under your ass.

That kind of stuff.

Yet, there’s next to nothing out there that offers advice on how to build the intimacy that makes those techniques actually work. After all, you can only trace the alphabet on someone’s prostate so well without the viable emotional connection that makes it really fucking good … regardless of how fleeting that connection may be.

That’s a problem that Mare Simone solves every day in her practice. Simone is a certified tantric educator, sex surrogate and author who helps men and women learn to clear emotional and physical sexual blocks and view sex as an empowering, helpful tool. Part of that work includes instructing couples and individuals on how to build and maintain intimacy during sex, partially because the ability to create intimacy leads to greater confidence, and partially because more powerful orgasms happen from what she describes as a more “open, vulnerable state.”

Never ones to shy away from anything that makes us come more professionally, we asked her for some tips on how to create the intimate connection that primes us for a better bang.

Become a pro at eye contact

“I love to start couples facing each other, sitting up,” Simone says. “I have them talk about what they love about each other,  what they’d love more of, and what they’d love to experience with each other (like a fantasy or a desire) … all while looking into each other’s eyes and breathing those words in. When you maintain eye contact while talking about sexual desires, it really builds intimacy before the touch, which makes the actual touch more powerful when it does happen. Sometimes when you verbalize what you love or need, it can feel vulnerable or naked. But, it allows you to become open and let love, pleasure and acknowledgement in. That makes for really great sex.”

She also recommends incorporating eye contact into actual sex as well.

“Anytime you touch, touch with eye contact. Make love with your eyes open. It’s so rich … it feels like you’re diving deep into this pool and not shutting your eyes because you’re afraid of what’s at the bottom,” she adds.

But, it’s not like you have to keep your peepers wrenched open A Clockwork Orange-style; she fully acknowledges that there are times when it feels right to close them and sink into pleasure. In general though, she explains that the more eyes-open you are, the more connected you can be and the more powerful orgasms you can have.

“There’s a penetration of sorts that happens with eye contact,” she says. “And it can be really intense when you’re also having sex — it’s like you’re being penetrated from both sides.”

Experiment with face and hand caressing

“This, to me is one of the most beautiful things,” Simone says. “I love hand holding, hand touching, those sort of things. And sometimes when someone touches my face, it just feels so warm and giggly and sweet, like it activates some part of my inner child. That in itself is opening.”

One of the best positions she recommends for hand stuff is to have one partner place their hand downwards, and the other placing theirs upwards on top so they can feel the polar opposite of the other person. Then, from there, Simone suggests you play around with movement in your hands and fingers by stroking each other’s palms, wrists and fingertips. Even though doing this is nonverbal, Simone says it can help couples explore a lot of communication and sensation with each other; something that also works to build sexual tension and make each person feel more connected.

Long, caressing strokes to build tension

Simone is a big advocate of the long, slow, delicate stroke.

“Have one person put their hands up and receive their partner’s touch, while the other caresses their body. Start slowly at their face and, then make your way down the sides of their arms to their chest, finally finishing at their fingertips. Then, with permission, caress their breasts (if they have them), coming down across their stomach to their inner thighs.

Making these long, caressing strokes connects the body to the mind, which makes it much more emotional-feeling,” she says. “That’s where you become really open and the sex becomes really good. When you do this, you become vulnerable, so there’s no real game playing or social scripting of traditionally “sexy” roles. It’s just what you mean and what you feel.”

Do a little dance

On the more erotic end of the spectrum, Simone recommends you build tension and intimacy by dancing for your partner. It can be a sitting dance, or one standing up; a stripping thing or a more conservative one — whatever feels comfortable and gives your partner a display of your body. Of course, maintaining eye contact during the deed can make it that much more powerful.

If you crack up, you crack up. Try not to — we double dog dare you. Even if it’s the more masculine doing the dancing, Simone says the humor of it can cut through to the more relaxed, vulnerable place that makes the body more open for intimacy.

Moan together, in sync

“This can be immense if you can actually harmonize your orgasms,” Simone says. “But even if you can’t, sharing the same breath and sound intensifies things a lot. In tantra, energy moves on sound, so you double the energy when you sound together.”

That’s not to say that spontaneously moaning when your partner does will make you come or make the sex revolutionary … it’s more about doing it when it feels natural to. But, like all forms of breathing exercises, it does really place you in the moment. It’s hard to think about their sweaty, lumbering man boobs or the curious way your dad tries to tell you he loves you when you’re synchronizing your breath with someone while they squirt on your showiest throw pillows.

Sex | Rooster Magazine On-Line December 21, 2016 By Isabelle Kohn

 

Enter the Orgasmic Magic Zone ~ OMZone

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Illustration by: Shawna X

I had so much fun during this interview, I regret not recording it. Happy with the article Hannah wrote. Enter the #OMZone!

My first pop-culture encounter with tantric sex was—like so many other “edgy” sexual practices, from threesomes to fetishes—during a “SATC” episode. The women attend a tantric sex workshop in which a white-haired woman massages her elderly, blissed-out husband, who, after some buildup, ejaculates into the air and … onto Miranda. Educational? Sure. An accurate depiction of tantra? Not so much, according to my sources.

Tantra as a broader category refers to the ancient practices and customs of Hinduism. Tantric sex grew out of this larger religious umbrella as a form of ritualized sacred sex—one that may have inherited some of its tenets or inspiration from tantra, but which most proponents of Hinduism and Buddhism deny sharing much heritage with the religion. So everything you’ll learn here is in the context of tantric sex as it exists today, casually and unofficially—it has no affiliation with a religion, culture, or organization. It’s a practice that is shared and passed down, and followed with devotion by the people whose lives—and sex lives—it has changed for the better.
I spoke to California-based Advanced Certified Tantra Educator Mare Simone, ACTE a teacher at the Source School of Tantra, who gave me her own definition of tantric sex. “The first words that come to mind are a real, true coming together,” she says. “It’s when women learn to fully feel their body’s sexual needs and desires, allowing them to become much more orgasmic than they usually are. And men slow down and learn how to harness their sexual power so they can ride the orgasmic wave together, rather than coming quickly, which they’re hard-wired to do.” London-based tantric sex instructor Rebecca Lowrie is quick to point out that a tantric experience isn’t just sexual, either. “It’s really a spiritual path that embraces sexuality,” she says. “It’s a path of letting go of fear, shame, and conditioning so that you can be your full self. It provides a framework and set of resources for being utterly present and therefore intimate with life.”

When Mare described her idea of a successful tantric sexual experience, I was in awe. “I think a woman should have at least two, or even three orgasms before sexual penetration even begins.” Say what?! “When the roots of the clitoris are fully engorged after orgasm, penetration is so much more desirable for a woman and much more pleasurable for men. There’s more contact, the vagina is juicy, wet, and might even involve the female ejaculation that can send a man into seventh heaven.” OK, listening…

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How all of this actually goes down is both mysterious and intriguing as hell. “I call it the orgasmic magic zone—the OM zone,” says Simone. “It can happen with partners, but also on your own. It’s an erotic sexual meditation, a zone you can feel even before touch begins when you’re in tune with your orgasm energy, through breathing and muscles that pump through your whole pelvic region and make it engorge.” It works for both men and women, she says. When you come this way, especially with a partner through penetration, the orgasm has a deeper, whole-body quality, and lasts much longer, she explains.

“It’s so much more emotionally, spiritually, and physically satisfying,” she says. “You can even go into a deep, meditative healing state. Sometimes old emotional traumas or wounds come up and are cleared through that orgasmic energy. That’s when tantric sex becomes what I would call magical and distinct from just pump and grind, get it off and go to sleep.” Oh, and men don’t necessarily have to ejaculate—but that doesn’t mean they don’t come.
“Really, men should have fewer climaxes and more orgasms,” says Simone, “because if he ejaculates on the first orgasm, there’s nothing left.” But if a man internally ejaculates—yep, that’s a thing, it’s called injaculating—without releasing semen, “he’s reinvesting in his own erotic bank account. That serves him sexually, making his orgasms much more powerful, and even gives him more energy, rather than making him feel depleted and want to roll over.” So really, if that old couple had been properly tantra-ing in “SATC,” the man wouldn’t have shot his load all over Miranda.

After picking Simone’s brain as much as I could, I asked her for a couple of tantric rituals that can be tried at home—alone, or with a partner—for the curious newbies among us.

Beginner’s Tantra for One: Self-Love Initiation
On a day when you want to honor yourself, start a Jacuzzi or bath to wash away the day. Make your bed as you would for a lover—laid out beautifully with candles, towels, or toys. This sets the stage for a special ritual. After the cleansing bubble bath, begin to caress your inner thighs and up and around your genitals, without trying to come. “Just feel what your sexual body center needs,” says Simone. “Invoke self-loving communication.”

Make a yoni mudra (“sacred position of power”) with your hands, letting your index fingers touch right at the tip of your clitoris, and the tips of your thumbs touching over your pubic bone. It should look like a heart shape. “Meditate in that place,” she says. “This position creates a tremendous amount of power, so feel the circuitry connect over your vagina with your hands in the mudra, pumping thoughts of love and appreciation into that area while breathing deeply.”

The next stage might be a massage, but not with the goal of orgasm. “This is like the antithesis of masturbation,” says Simone. “Give yourself loving pleasure with your hands, rather than a vibrator. The beautify is that later, when a woman wants to guide a partner to find those sacred places in her, she’ll know how to teach him or her what her body needs because she listened to it.”

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Beginner’s Tantra for Two: Maximum Pleasure
Look into each other’s eyes. Breathe deeply. Take turns caressing each other’s hands one at a time, one finger at a time. Notice and talk about all the feelings in each hand. Then move on to the face. Touch, kiss, and learn about all of the feelings in different areas—the cheek, the forehead, the chin.

“There are so many parts of us represented in our hands and face—every organ and chakra,” says Simone. “For those who like feet, every toe can be an erogenous zone. It’s not about manually stimulating each other’s genitals; it’s about the tender places that need to be touched. These places are hidden some of the time, so they hold secrets and feelings, and can be so erotic when they’re touched the right way, with communication and a lot of attention.”

Pay attention to unlikely locations: The arches of feet, the soft spots between each finger and toe, the cracks of the elbows, the crease behind the knees. Use fingertips or whole hands or soft scratching of nails—use every nuance of touch to create maximum pleasure. Guide your partner to find the maximum amount of pleasure in every place that he or she goes, explaining what feels good and requesting the things you want them to try.
“The exercise is to say what feels good and ask for more of that until you get it right—even if it’s just saying, ‘It feels really good that you want to discover what feels good to me,’” says Simone. The goal of this ritual is to create a safe environment where you and your partner feel comfortable experiencing things you’ve never felt before and establishing vulnerability and intimacy. “When this happens, the depth of connection that can happen is really profound.”

Hannah Hickok headshot

Marie Claire: Lessons From my Sex Therapist

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Sex surrogates: Would you sleep with a stranger to save your sex life?

Powerful piece on Sex Surrogate Partner Therapy made the cover Marie Claire UK! May 2016! It
addressed this tender topic with such empathy I was in tears while I was interviewed… Moved me again when I read the final piece.
Sex surrogates: Would you sleep with a stranger to save your sex life?
Though surrogates don’t exactly “sleep” with their clients, we more likely awaken them to a fuller experience of life. Nor are we “strangers” as the article implies, at the time of sharing sexual intimacy because we spend significant amounts of time developing a deep intimate rapport before physically touching.
In many ways were probably more intimate than many couples who don’t spend time getting to know one their significant other’s thoughts, feelings, desires and dislikes.

All things considered, I’m pleased with this article. I trust that it gets into the hands of people who are ready for it.
Marie ClaireUK

For most people it IS quite a vulnerable confession to openly admit that they receive any kind of sex coaching or guidance to improve their love life. Not to their friends let alone to the public who will read it online. Worse yet to do this live on TV!

I honor them for being willing to be transparent about their issues, so that they may be examples to help others who are afflicted with similar challenges.

Though he was reluctant at first, Nate eventually let go and trusted the process. Then he had some major breakthroughs that were edgy and raw, captured on camera. Documented and aired on Discovery TV. Thank you for being exactually as you are!

Click here to see a video clip of sessions they did with me that aired on TV
It’s time people come out their closets; so they can play and love more passionately! I am thrilled when an article like this hits the stands or TV because it helps transform crippling feelings of sexual shame, fear and ignorance into playful sexual ecstasy wrapped with love and intimacy!

If you are wondering who Surrogate Partner Therapy or SPT is helpful for? Or if it can help you or someone you love…

Surrogate Partner Therapy can be very effective in helping people with trauma recovery rapidly. Once the issue is cleared and no longer holding you back from saying yes, to what you want, there is so much energy and pleasure to be discovered. Wayyy beyond the shamed status quo into high stratospheres of sacred pleasure, passion and power!

So for those who want to explore more and deeper authentic intimacy, this is for you too!

You don’t have to be traumatized to seek assistance or improve your love life. Overcoming trauma and numbness are areas I specialize in, because I learned to transform my own numbness and fear through curiosity; discovering body sensations and the depths of my feminine sensuality which awakened deliciousness like melting chocolate.

Click here to view the article that I got from the journalist at the time of this writing, it hasn’t come out stands yet! And they wait till it is off the stand before making available online, as they want want you to buy it direct from Marie Claire UK!

Here’s a candid interview video I just posted on YouTube of The Darlings in an interview never before published They are quoted several times in the Marie Claire article as they were in a TV documentary with me as my clients.
In the afterglow Interview with Nate and Monique Darling.

If you value this post or like the video, please comment and pass it on…Thanks!

Soulmate Mania Summit – Interview with Mare Simone

Here’s a private page of an interview I did with Dr. Rusty founder of the Soulmate Mania Summit. 

Not many have seen this video because it is not been released to the public. It’s only available privately. I think you may find it valuable whether or not you have found your soulmate as I speak more about discovering the inner god or goddess within you that awakens your passion.

I want to share this with you – my first readers. And if you find something of value in the interview or have questions/comments you’d like to share, please do so in the comments section. And I will respond to you personally!

If I can answer your question I’ll do it live on the webinar and give you a free ticket to the entire 5-week series – Whole Body O!

FREE GIFT : for those of you who comment on YouTube, I’d like to give you a special gift and get your input to create the most valuable gifts. I’d like you to be on my test market team and attend the first webinar for free in exchange for your feedback. I’m excited to share everything I know and ignite the world with pleasure on the World Wide Web!

We’ll talk about my favorite subjects the healing powers of orgasm, And tips on how to have a Whole Body O – something I think everyone ought to know! So write your questions down because we’ll A at the end.

If you’d like a private consultation, fill out a profile form and we’ll arrange for a free half-hour Ecstatic Discovery Session to help you as a couple or individual to tap into your source of peace, pleasure and personal empowerment.

 

Sex is the Least of it – True, Moving Stories of 25 Surrogate Partners

Sex is the Least of it

Sex Is the Least of It

Sex is the Least of it

I felt honored when Tova Feder, PhD asked if I would be willing to be interviewed for this book: Sex Is The Least of It, is available on Kindle and Amazon.com! Soon to be in print!

It reveals the inner story of 25 surrogates lives. Inside and out both professionally and personally. There I tell my story of how I became a sex surrogate partner and why along a few of my favorite success stories!

This has been a long labor of love, bringing the stories of nearly 30 surrogate partners internationally to print.
Since the release of the film The Sessions, the time has finally come for a greater understanding of the importance of holistic sexual health which Sex Surrogate Partners can help provide. I am honored to be interviewed for this book and excited by the positive response it has received so far… hopeful for the future of ‘touch therapy’ and the position it is earning in the role of sex therapy and higher sex education!
Thanks to Tova for taking on this task and thanks to all our readers and participants for making this breakthrough method more accepted and wide-spread!  Bringing this vision to fruition so others can learn the true purpose and power of touch therapy. To help educate the public about the invaluable work of surrogate partners and the life-changing benefits of SPTherapy.
 
The concept of surrogate partners grew out of the work of Masters and Johnson in the mid-1960s. Their initial research centered on understanding and improving the sex lives of married couples. Eventually their work addressed the issue of helping un-partnered individuals treat their sexual dysfunction. As necessity is the mother of invention, they recruited an untrained group of women to aid these single individuals in resolving their sexual problems. Masters and Johnson created a mechanical approach to sexuality, devoid of emotional intimacy.
This book seeks to present the human face of a profession that has been shrouded in myths, misconceptions, and negative judgments. Rather than hearing the words of sexual robots, the participants reflect competence, intelligence, compassion, and wisdom. It is a profession that requires the ability to think and feel; to analyze and participate; to become emotionally involved yet maintain professional boundaries.
Over the past four decades, surrogate partner therapy has grown to combine social therapeutic modalities in addition to sexual therapeutic techniques. This book utilizes, in part, the approach of interviewing 25 current and former surrogate partners to examine, compare, and contrast their experiences. It seeks to present the skills of surrogates as opposed to the sexual sensationalism which clouds objective evaluation of the subject. In addition to the interviews there are several relevant articles and links to documentaries including the one I was in on The Discovery Channel, Strange Sex, being used with permission, exploring the work of other surrogates.

Sacred, Sensual Sunday Workshop in LA

Intimate Tantra Talk & Whole Body O, Ecstasy Breath 

Oct. 5, 2014 Sacred, Sensual Sunday Workshop

 

Calling All Tantra Explorers ~ Couples and Singles welcome!

2-IN-1

You are invited to an afternoon of enlightening Tantra-talk, Solo and Partner Practices, Whole Body Energy O’s ~ Ecstatic Breath Technique to heal, awaken and activate the Whole Body!

Plus a taste of yummy Tantra Yoga Massage – led by Mare Simone, Advanced, Certified Tantra Educator.

 

Delicious healthy community feasting ~ Open to the first 20 who register here!

 

Bring:  Something soft to lie on for the ecstatic breath practice such as: Yoga mat, sheepskin rug or small futon AND sheet, sarong or towel to lie on

 

Bring: Foods to share. What’s your favorite healthy dish? 

 

Please co-ordinate with us so we have a balanced spread

 

Eager to share — looking forward to see you there!

 

Where:

At a private home in Topanga Canyon – Signs will be posted –

Directions and details will be supplied upon registration. 


JOIN US – Sign-up NOW! 

 


 

Testimonial From Larry F. – 09/05/2014

I want to thank you, Mare, for opening my eyes!! I use to walk down the street thinking my eyes were wide open, but until I met Mare my eyes were actually closed . When I talked to you on the phone you were so gentle and inspiring, it was like you were already in my soul. I can barely find words to express how the time we spent together broadened my sense of being. You brought me to a state of mind I did not know existed. After leaving our first meeting I realized that life is not just what you put into it but more what you actually take from it,and nothing is beyond expectation. I thank you greatly Mare!!

To anyone reading this, if you have not met with Mare before, it is a must to do so . She will change your life forever as she has changed mine. I will never forget nor lose appreciation for the fabulous Mare Simone!!!

From Larry F

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