Sexual Healing : Why we Need it

I used to be oblivious to the orgasmic potential in my body. Unaware of any pleasure past my clitoris and even that sometimes took more effort than it was worth. For the fleeting few seconds of release. Is that all there is?

Relying on vibrators was addicting and the more I used them the more numb I became. I just didn’t know what I didn’t know, which is a silent epidemic among most women worldwide.

Historically, women have been taught that their bodies are owned by their partner in marriage, to give them satisfaction. It was just a chore. So to keep the marriage happy, women like my mom learned to just endure sex. She never really knew its power except as a way to manipulate men to get what she wanted and negotiate she did. Though eventually she turned bitter and stopped playing the game.

The hunger that doesn’t get met, as a result, leaves us starving for the nourishment that somewhere deep inside our body needs to be fed. As a Tantric love coach, I’ve worked with numerous women who cannot orgasm, or so they say. Especially with penetration sex with a partner if he is on his own rhythm woman gets left in the dust as he gallops along to the finishing line.

So why are we not feeling met and what’s missing I’ve asked myself this question so many ways this timely answer comes to me in the awakening of my own great sea of possibilities.  I think I speak for many women when I say that intercourse is not so exciting, kind of numb, or even painful when I allow myself to feel without a few drinks to numb out once more… I hear that story time after time and then I realize why women “fake it”. This short-circuits the experience and keeps it at a very low vibrational survival level which causes such a deep void between men and women.

If men only knew where women could take to they would bow on their knees and serve her as the Creatress of life. The womb of a woman is the creative power source that can activate into whirlwinds of swirls bursting through the body, in bubbles of light. Exhilarating absolutely! Uplifting and inspiring giving energy and receiving blessings as the gift of the exchange. Tantric orgasm is like tapping into the source of life itself.

We can meet in the middle. In a woman’s flow, slower is often more valuable and rewarding like the rich maturation of fine wine.

That’s where tantra comes in blending the masculine and feminine energies so we need to heal and understand each other inside and out. Your inner standing connects us to the center where we meet physically, consciously and emotionally as well as physically in the world.

Because when we meet in the middle we’re both nourished in a way that leaves us better than started like that quality of love is an elixir from the heavens.

So as we think so we experience. On some level I think all women at some point in their life feel these deep yearning desires that don’t get met.

Fleeting is the pleasure that stimulation of the clitoris can bring. As wonderful as it is for those few seconds, then there’s a quick decline in arousal overshadowed by hypersensitivity, where it’s too sensitive to touch for a while. This is much like a man feels after he’s climaxed before he zones out to sleep.

But for women it’s just the beginning of her sexual pleasure potential, even if she doesn’t know anything beyond her clitoris, her love tunnel will nudge her every now and again to remind her that there’s more pleasure inside even if it’s hard to find. That was my experience until I was shown how to discover my Om zone portal of pleasure as a cosmic, multidimensional, richly delicious portal where time stands still in the quivering pulses of life.

Since then I’ve found that a clitoral orgasm is like the doorbell that if you bring it right, it opens the sacred gates to her temple of love inside. To get a woman to fully expand and receive the fullest effects of your love, you have got to take your time and activate all her centers and erogenous zones. From the outside in, to all the internal sweet spots too. G-Spot and OMG-Spot [aka cervix] in particular.

Tantra says that women can be be multi-orgasmic! That brings up the question why do so many women feel numb, frustrated, and disinterested in sex?

Statistics show us that nearly 70% of women have difficulties achieving a deeply satisfying orgasm with penetration!  Many women are so attached to their clitoral vibrator stimulators that they don’t know what they’re missing on the inside.

Problem with the vibrator is that it creates a short-circuit to pleasure after it reaches a peak and eventually causes more numbness and hyper-sensitivity; unless it’s used very lightly like a hot spice. Many women that I work with tell me that orgasm during intercourse is hit and miss, at best. Often it’s either numb or in some degree of pain.

This can be devastating when we told it’s supposed to be a place of amazing pleasure. Why is it numb??  What’s wrong with this picture! What can we do about it?

It naturally takes women longer to reach their highest pleasure peaks and some may worry that their man won’t last long enough for her to be satisfied and reach her highest heaven inside.

Her concern fuels the problem and makes it all the more challenging, because stress, anxiety, and worry are orgasms enemies. They activate the fight or flight response which you don’t want in the bedroom.

Men are hard-wired to naturally come quick to insure that they sow their seeds and procreate the species. So when testosterone is high the urge to release is very difficult to control.

But Tantra has a solution for that to train a man to expand and become more multi-orgasmic too!

But to reach the most sublime states of intimacy, men need to learn how to at least slow down and enjoy the journey more, so his Queen can relax, open fully and receive more deeply.

I can identify with this as I was one of many women who couldn’t reliably climax with a partner. I felt broken with frustration, pressure and anxiety which exasperated the situation.

It burdens the relationship when women put this responsibility entirely their partner to be their healer and awakener. Yet it’s been a part of our cultural conditioning that men take the initiative in sex.  In this case learning to read her body language is essential as the body expressions and positions can say much more than words. Breath and sounds of her body are good cues to follow. When you breath in sync, you start to feel each other more.

Then enter the realm of sounds and see what unfolds…

Unless your partner is a trained sexual healer, it’s important for women know her own body enough that she can tap into her O-Zone within her body. Share it. Invest in it so it may grow.

Then she can educate her partner, if he’s willing to follow her lead.  I can assure you it’s worth the journey even if it feels vulnerable and scary. That’s when the deepest transformations can take place.

Here’s a massage tool that can help open the gates of Heaven by releasing and dearmoring numbness and pain, with conscious love.

Cervix wand-  Click on the image to see more….

Click on this link to see this tool and how to get it for yourself. Or for a friend...

Click on this link to see this tool and how to get it for yourself. Or for a friend…

Classes in Tantra Touch for Healing and Empowerment coming this Fall, 2022 

Enter the Orgasmic Magic Zone ~ OMZone

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Illustration by: Shawna X

I had so much fun during this interview, I regret not recording it. Happy with the article Hannah wrote. Enter the #OMZone!

My first pop-culture encounter with tantric sex was—like so many other “edgy” sexual practices, from threesomes to fetishes—during a “SATC” episode. The women attend a tantric sex workshop in which a white-haired woman massages her elderly, blissed-out husband, who, after some buildup, ejaculates into the air and … onto Miranda. Educational? Sure. An accurate depiction of tantra? Not so much, according to my sources.

Tantra as a broader category refers to the ancient practices and customs of Hinduism. Tantric sex grew out of this larger religious umbrella as a form of ritualized sacred sex—one that may have inherited some of its tenets or inspiration from tantra, but which most proponents of Hinduism and Buddhism deny sharing much heritage with the religion. So everything you’ll learn here is in the context of tantric sex as it exists today, casually and unofficially—it has no affiliation with a religion, culture, or organization. It’s a practice that is shared and passed down, and followed with devotion by the people whose lives—and sex lives—it has changed for the better.
I spoke to California-based Advanced Certified Tantra Educator Mare Simone, ACTE a teacher at the Source School of Tantra, who gave me her own definition of tantric sex. “The first words that come to mind are a real, true coming together,” she says. “It’s when women learn to fully feel their body’s sexual needs and desires, allowing them to become much more orgasmic than they usually are. And men slow down and learn how to harness their sexual power so they can ride the orgasmic wave together, rather than coming quickly, which they’re hard-wired to do.” London-based tantric sex instructor Rebecca Lowrie is quick to point out that a tantric experience isn’t just sexual, either. “It’s really a spiritual path that embraces sexuality,” she says. “It’s a path of letting go of fear, shame, and conditioning so that you can be your full self. It provides a framework and set of resources for being utterly present and therefore intimate with life.”

When Mare described her idea of a successful tantric sexual experience, I was in awe. “I think a woman should have at least two, or even three orgasms before sexual penetration even begins.” Say what?! “When the roots of the clitoris are fully engorged after orgasm, penetration is so much more desirable for a woman and much more pleasurable for men. There’s more contact, the vagina is juicy, wet, and might even involve the female ejaculation that can send a man into seventh heaven.” OK, listening…

lotus-guide-to-tantric-sex-lotus@sourcetantra

How all of this actually goes down is both mysterious and intriguing as hell. “I call it the orgasmic magic zone—the OM zone,” says Simone. “It can happen with partners, but also on your own. It’s an erotic sexual meditation, a zone you can feel even before touch begins when you’re in tune with your orgasm energy, through breathing and muscles that pump through your whole pelvic region and make it engorge.” It works for both men and women, she says. When you come this way, especially with a partner through penetration, the orgasm has a deeper, whole-body quality, and lasts much longer, she explains.

“It’s so much more emotionally, spiritually, and physically satisfying,” she says. “You can even go into a deep, meditative healing state. Sometimes old emotional traumas or wounds come up and are cleared through that orgasmic energy. That’s when tantric sex becomes what I would call magical and distinct from just pump and grind, get it off and go to sleep.” Oh, and men don’t necessarily have to ejaculate—but that doesn’t mean they don’t come.
“Really, men should have fewer climaxes and more orgasms,” says Simone, “because if he ejaculates on the first orgasm, there’s nothing left.” But if a man internally ejaculates—yep, that’s a thing, it’s called injaculating—without releasing semen, “he’s reinvesting in his own erotic bank account. That serves him sexually, making his orgasms much more powerful, and even gives him more energy, rather than making him feel depleted and want to roll over.” So really, if that old couple had been properly tantra-ing in “SATC,” the man wouldn’t have shot his load all over Miranda.

After picking Simone’s brain as much as I could, I asked her for a couple of tantric rituals that can be tried at home—alone, or with a partner—for the curious newbies among us.

Beginner’s Tantra for One: Self-Love Initiation
On a day when you want to honor yourself, start a Jacuzzi or bath to wash away the day. Make your bed as you would for a lover—laid out beautifully with candles, towels, or toys. This sets the stage for a special ritual. After the cleansing bubble bath, begin to caress your inner thighs and up and around your genitals, without trying to come. “Just feel what your sexual body center needs,” says Simone. “Invoke self-loving communication.”

Make a yoni mudra (“sacred position of power”) with your hands, letting your index fingers touch right at the tip of your clitoris, and the tips of your thumbs touching over your pubic bone. It should look like a heart shape. “Meditate in that place,” she says. “This position creates a tremendous amount of power, so feel the circuitry connect over your vagina with your hands in the mudra, pumping thoughts of love and appreciation into that area while breathing deeply.”

The next stage might be a massage, but not with the goal of orgasm. “This is like the antithesis of masturbation,” says Simone. “Give yourself loving pleasure with your hands, rather than a vibrator. The beautify is that later, when a woman wants to guide a partner to find those sacred places in her, she’ll know how to teach him or her what her body needs because she listened to it.”

guide-to-tantric-sex-chakras@sourcetantra

Beginner’s Tantra for Two: Maximum Pleasure
Look into each other’s eyes. Breathe deeply. Take turns caressing each other’s hands one at a time, one finger at a time. Notice and talk about all the feelings in each hand. Then move on to the face. Touch, kiss, and learn about all of the feelings in different areas—the cheek, the forehead, the chin.

“There are so many parts of us represented in our hands and face—every organ and chakra,” says Simone. “For those who like feet, every toe can be an erogenous zone. It’s not about manually stimulating each other’s genitals; it’s about the tender places that need to be touched. These places are hidden some of the time, so they hold secrets and feelings, and can be so erotic when they’re touched the right way, with communication and a lot of attention.”

Pay attention to unlikely locations: The arches of feet, the soft spots between each finger and toe, the cracks of the elbows, the crease behind the knees. Use fingertips or whole hands or soft scratching of nails—use every nuance of touch to create maximum pleasure. Guide your partner to find the maximum amount of pleasure in every place that he or she goes, explaining what feels good and requesting the things you want them to try.
“The exercise is to say what feels good and ask for more of that until you get it right—even if it’s just saying, ‘It feels really good that you want to discover what feels good to me,’” says Simone. The goal of this ritual is to create a safe environment where you and your partner feel comfortable experiencing things you’ve never felt before and establishing vulnerability and intimacy. “When this happens, the depth of connection that can happen is really profound.”

Hannah Hickok headshot

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