Sexual Healing : Why we Need it

I used to be oblivious to the orgasmic potential in my body. Unaware of any pleasure past my clitoris and even that sometimes took more effort than it was worth. For the fleeting few seconds of release. Is that all there is?

Relying on vibrators was addicting and the more I used them the more numb I became. I just didn’t know what I didn’t know, which is a silent epidemic among most women worldwide.

Historically, women have been taught that their bodies are owned by their partner in marriage, to give them satisfaction. It was just a chore. So to keep the marriage happy, women like my mom learned to just endure sex. She never really knew its power except as a way to manipulate men to get what she wanted and negotiate she did. Though eventually she turned bitter and stopped playing the game.

The hunger that doesn’t get met, as a result, leaves us starving for the nourishment that somewhere deep inside our body needs to be fed. As a Tantric love coach, I’ve worked with numerous women who cannot orgasm, or so they say. Especially with penetration sex with a partner if he is on his own rhythm woman gets left in the dust as he gallops along to the finishing line.

So why are we not feeling met and what’s missing I’ve asked myself this question so many ways this timely answer comes to me in the awakening of my own great sea of possibilities.  I think I speak for many women when I say that intercourse is not so exciting, kind of numb, or even painful when I allow myself to feel without a few drinks to numb out once more… I hear that story time after time and then I realize why women “fake it”. This short-circuits the experience and keeps it at a very low vibrational survival level which causes such a deep void between men and women.

If men only knew where women could take to they would bow on their knees and serve her as the Creatress of life. The womb of a woman is the creative power source that can activate into whirlwinds of swirls bursting through the body, in bubbles of light. Exhilarating absolutely! Uplifting and inspiring giving energy and receiving blessings as the gift of the exchange. Tantric orgasm is like tapping into the source of life itself.

We can meet in the middle. In a woman’s flow, slower is often more valuable and rewarding like the rich maturation of fine wine.

That’s where tantra comes in blending the masculine and feminine energies so we need to heal and understand each other inside and out. Your inner standing connects us to the center where we meet physically, consciously and emotionally as well as physically in the world.

Because when we meet in the middle we’re both nourished in a way that leaves us better than started like that quality of love is an elixir from the heavens.

So as we think so we experience. On some level I think all women at some point in their life feel these deep yearning desires that don’t get met.

Fleeting is the pleasure that stimulation of the clitoris can bring. As wonderful as it is for those few seconds, then there’s a quick decline in arousal overshadowed by hypersensitivity, where it’s too sensitive to touch for a while. This is much like a man feels after he’s climaxed before he zones out to sleep.

But for women it’s just the beginning of her sexual pleasure potential, even if she doesn’t know anything beyond her clitoris, her love tunnel will nudge her every now and again to remind her that there’s more pleasure inside even if it’s hard to find. That was my experience until I was shown how to discover my Om zone portal of pleasure as a cosmic, multidimensional, richly delicious portal where time stands still in the quivering pulses of life.

Since then I’ve found that a clitoral orgasm is like the doorbell that if you bring it right, it opens the sacred gates to her temple of love inside. To get a woman to fully expand and receive the fullest effects of your love, you have got to take your time and activate all her centers and erogenous zones. From the outside in, to all the internal sweet spots too. G-Spot and OMG-Spot [aka cervix] in particular.

Tantra says that women can be be multi-orgasmic! That brings up the question why do so many women feel numb, frustrated, and disinterested in sex?

Statistics show us that nearly 70% of women have difficulties achieving a deeply satisfying orgasm with penetration!  Many women are so attached to their clitoral vibrator stimulators that they don’t know what they’re missing on the inside.

Problem with the vibrator is that it creates a short-circuit to pleasure after it reaches a peak and eventually causes more numbness and hyper-sensitivity; unless it’s used very lightly like a hot spice. Many women that I work with tell me that orgasm during intercourse is hit and miss, at best. Often it’s either numb or in some degree of pain.

This can be devastating when we told it’s supposed to be a place of amazing pleasure. Why is it numb??  What’s wrong with this picture! What can we do about it?

It naturally takes women longer to reach their highest pleasure peaks and some may worry that their man won’t last long enough for her to be satisfied and reach her highest heaven inside.

Her concern fuels the problem and makes it all the more challenging, because stress, anxiety, and worry are orgasms enemies. They activate the fight or flight response which you don’t want in the bedroom.

Men are hard-wired to naturally come quick to insure that they sow their seeds and procreate the species. So when testosterone is high the urge to release is very difficult to control.

But Tantra has a solution for that to train a man to expand and become more multi-orgasmic too!

But to reach the most sublime states of intimacy, men need to learn how to at least slow down and enjoy the journey more, so his Queen can relax, open fully and receive more deeply.

I can identify with this as I was one of many women who couldn’t reliably climax with a partner. I felt broken with frustration, pressure and anxiety which exasperated the situation.

It burdens the relationship when women put this responsibility entirely their partner to be their healer and awakener. Yet it’s been a part of our cultural conditioning that men take the initiative in sex.  In this case learning to read her body language is essential as the body expressions and positions can say much more than words. Breath and sounds of her body are good cues to follow. When you breath in sync, you start to feel each other more.

Then enter the realm of sounds and see what unfolds…

Unless your partner is a trained sexual healer, it’s important for women know her own body enough that she can tap into her O-Zone within her body. Share it. Invest in it so it may grow.

Then she can educate her partner, if he’s willing to follow her lead.  I can assure you it’s worth the journey even if it feels vulnerable and scary. That’s when the deepest transformations can take place.

Here’s a massage tool that can help open the gates of Heaven by releasing and dearmoring numbness and pain, with conscious love.

Cervix wand-  Click on the image to see more….

Click on this link to see this tool and how to get it for yourself. Or for a friend...

Click on this link to see this tool and how to get it for yourself. Or for a friend…

Classes in Tantra Touch for Healing and Empowerment coming this Fall, 2022 

Yoni Wisdom: Healing Touch

When it’s time to blossom…
TRANSFORM Numbness and Pain, to AWAKEN Sacred Pleasure
Some women feel pain with sex inside especially with deep, hard penetration all the way to the cervix. This is especially true if thrusting is rigorous and she’s not fully open and receptive. Potential pleasure is not accessible, rather retreated like a turtle in a shell.
 
Be patient and allow the release to unfold. If sadness or anger occurs, pour love into her eyes and kiss her gentle and loving. Don’t tell her to stop crying. Rather give her space to feel and release the past pain so she can be free to be fully present in the joy of authentic intimacy.
 
Making love is a profound medicine for our hearts and sex organs. Especially when we can stay conscious with our eyes open so we can see, here and feel to fully absorb the love that we’re making.
 
But often love brings up everything unlike itself, in order to be healed.
That’s part of the process, and why it’s so important to stay present, and understand as a giver you are there to hold space.  Give her room to rage if she needs, until she gets it out of her system and then that rage turns into liberated passion. 
 
Beware of the lure of dark patterns that can get lodged rather than released. If it seems to go on longer than necessary, remind her and yourself, to breathe in the love in the present moment.
Conscious breaths where there is love presence can have a deep and impactful healing effect when the heart holds stagnant moments and memories.
Recognize its value in the here and now, let her know you and there for her. Holding space for her to let go.
 
Even if you don’t fully understand what’s coming up, you don’t have to. Just ground yourself in your breath and encourage her to believe 3 breathe deeply and release whatever is blocking her with a sound . Sound is a magical component because it expresses the very energy that a person is feeling without the words to analyze it or judge.
Vocalizing will help to empower her to express and release stuck energy. Try to mimic her sounds so you can feel her vibration which aligns you onto the same frequency of feeling. It’s very primal body talk powerful healing and super sexy at the same time.
Pour love into painful places and be patient. The deepest spot is also a place where we harbor emotions of trauma and shame, buried in the darkest parts of our love-tunnel. That includes the base chakra anal massage as well.
 
With tender words of love and eye contact, intend to replace phantom pains and fears with conscious present love. It’s a healing that no doctor can provide. A beloved or Tantric healer can touch these places in the ways that can transform past pains with positive, orgasmic and even ecstatic best ever transformational feelings.
 
You can also bless and awaken these dark painful places with a  wand-like tool. This could be any type of wand. Even a peeled cucumber will do. I like to use a phallus of rose quartz, for love.
 
Massage the painful areas gently and slowly with stillness… pause with pressure whenever there is tension to soften tight tissue and release old memories of fear and pain.
Forgive your body for holding those memories for so long. Release them in the exhale and breathe in love.
 
Is it time to say so long to old armored past and related phantom pain, which no longer serves you? Choose to let love in starting with forgiveness and acceptance of yourself.
 
Healing through self-love is an extremely important and powerful part of the process.
You most likely will find it helpful to have a guide to support you through the darkest shadows of harbored emotions.  Sometimes it’s hard to see our light in the shadows.
I used to have that issue wreck havoc in my love-life until I learned to trust enough to relax completely. This requires an immense amount of willingness and the desire to open,  breathe, and allow feelings to flow. Move through the pain and numbness of the past by opening to present love.
 
Letting go makes room to feel who you really when you release the past. Pain often transforms hidden pleasures unveiled.
The release of tension becomes energy freed up to expand and exhilarate! Pulsing pleasure is pure and sacred medicine.
 
I find the most profound soulful orgasms occur when I can fully relax and able to open and be filled with full penetration without any resistance. 
 
So I’ve learned and love to teach…
To feel inside of a woman’s sex, first meet her with your breath, your lips, tones, and then touch. If you’re a good fit for her lock, she may open the very depths of her being to you. Open to her core, as deep as she can expand to receive your love fully!
Such wondrous mysteries women can awaken within! When we feel safe enough to be free… to open fully and let a conscious partner into our deepest most vulnerable parts, we can be in hours of bliss within. Then sex becomes a luscious meditation on the energy of ecstasy.

Charles Muir rewired my Body/Brain, with Conscious Touch

afterglowAt the Level 4 Associates Tantra Teacher Training in Santa Cruz, CA mountains, Charles Muir selected me to be a demo partner for an advanced level of healing that he has been researching and developing. It combines the powers of tantric, healing touch with stimulation of various neuro centers in the brain. He’s connecting the neuro-circuitry of the body to the brain to further accelerate the affects of what was already a profound practice into an ever greater expansion of healing through touch! I know that thought creates and attracts so I was preparing my mind and body to be activated to awaken to higher, unlimited version of myself. When asked  do I believe in magic, I replied, ” Magic is a conscious application of the power of attraction in action. Thought combined with highly charged creative, sexual energy is the most magnetic and magical force of all!”

It was a sunny afternoon and we just finished a luscious gourmet lunch… I decided to walk to class to help digest and prepare myself for the demo that was about to blessed me and the classroom with profoundly intimate and awesome  demonstration of the power of healing touch combined with intentions. Strolling downhill from house to the Boulder Creek conference room, I the first called in the spirit of all my ancestors to join me in this healing celebration. I could feel the lineage of my family beginning with my recently departed sister along with my mother and her mother; my father and his mother as well as my beloved Aunt Sadie, who was as adventurous as me. I even called in all my angels and guides. I was ready for a big shift to take place and felt I needed an army of support to guide me.  I was willing and eager to invite profound magic into my body to help me become more fully empowered, heal and awakened priestess of pleasure and the sacred erotic arts!

Upon entering the room I could feel all their energies as well as the support of the crew, 25 of the most dedicated practitioners of the Source Tantra School sitting in a circle with a large bed in the center and beautiful flowers adorning pillows. Anticipation filled my veins and I began to tremble and here at the remarkable conscious preparation that went into making this space sacred. Charles gave a brief introduction to my physical situation – I’ve had fibroid tumors on my uterus for many years which have caused me some pain and discomfort as well as being an obstruction to pleasure.

Presence was palpable as I surrendered into the pillows and stated my intentions and my belief in magic and love combined with powerful intent, he worked on my back at first pointing out the imbalance in my sacral dimples. I moaned as I felt my body let go while he touched places that  harbored pain, numbness and blocks of fear. I melted as he rocked me and pressed on the places that needed conscious contact to release the obstructions. Yes even we healers need healing.

When I rolled over my mind and body were over receptive to the wild ride that ensued. I felt rivers of love flow through me washing blocks of my past with blessed Amrita, the nectar of the Goddess! Like a volcano erupting, tears and laughter roared through my body uncontrollably as I affirmed that I am abundant and rich in the extraordinary ability call in radiant health, love and support on all levels.

What happened after that is too powerful for words but it rocked the room and everyone in it. Then Charles called in a team of supporters to hold my hands and points on my head which grounded and helped integrate the explosion of light that came through me. They adorned my body with flowers and I felt reborn… I never laughed and cried so much in my entire life! Tears well in my eyes and gratitude in my heart as I share these precious memories with you.

 

spacer