Charles Muir, the originator of “Sacred Spot Massage”, shares from his 35 years of practice and mastery what it takes to be a successful sexual healer. You will learn the 108 qualities that a Daka or Dakini (sexual high priest/priestess) must manifest within themselves to become a master.
with Charles & Caroline Muir
In the first year of my tantra training
I shared an intensive week with 30 others at a tantra boot camp in the magnetic red rocks of Sedona, Arizona. We transformed a former Chinese restaurant with crimson dragons that greet you, waterfalls and gardens to delight your senses… , into a luscious Tantra temple. Together we did some life transforming work that week.
We were guided in many ‘clearing and reclaiming power’ exercises over the course of 7 days and nights. Men were encouraged to exercise and nourish their libido by getting aroused and sustaining it for longer and longer periods of time; without ejaculating for the entire week.
Playing at the edge without going over, allowed men to expand their capacity and range for pleasure. The sexual tension created so much testosterone I was dripping with excitement.
The Big O was an intense prolonged peak which filled me was so much energy it electrified me.
It not only gave us amazing, expanded orgasms together but it instilled an exuberance the continued on days later. This kind of orgasm leaves a lasting impact of being recharged and reborn! (more…)
Tabloids exaggerate and tell crazy numbers about interesting stories, to get attention. Now that’s just fine with me as long as I get to tell the true side of the story, for those who look past the sensationalism and into what’s really true.
So what inspired this blog post is that I want people to get to know the real me, beyond the tabloid that spread my name worldwide, overnight, in an a less than desirable way . At the time, I was outraged that my personal life had been so distorted and exposed to the world. I was bombarded by the media with tons of requests for interviews, TV shows and documentaries. I declined many of them because the intimate nature of my work was personal and private. I couldn’t see it going public. But now I feel blessed and am grateful that I had the exposure. It certainly opened up a lot of doors for me, however, I just wish it was better now, because it turned my life upside down.
When the the feature article came out in The Sun, I went undergrouond, in the desert, I wanted to make certain that I would be fairly represented because of what I really offer and how profoundly people’s lives are transformed spiritually,sexually, & emotionally because of it.
Inside Edition wanted to interview me, which I thought was great, but only if they got the right angle. They wanted me to have a client on the show and I wanted to be sure that that would be a safe and respectable environment for her. I had a great female client in mind to show another view of my work and its importance for women. I thought it would redirect attention towards providing women with profound sexual transformations, a service that is much needed by many women who have had sexual abuse in their past.
She was a victim of marital rape who eventually left her husband in spite of restrictions of her religion. It would’ve been a great example for other women. For some reason,I never got called back after correcting the lies in the article below — which is astounding because is it not equally, if not, more important of a story? I hope to have the opportunity to present this meaningful and profound healing aspect of my work with both men and women.
Here’s what The Sun said — Along with my commentary:
The Sun: This woman has had sex with more than a thousand men – and most of them are the husbands or boyfriends of other women.
My comment: In truth, I don’t have sex with clients unless it is the appropriate action to assist him in healing or learning and refining his sexual experience as part of a Sex Surrogate Partner package. If he’s married, it would be ideal to have his wife’s approval, but even better, her participation. I love helping couples love & please one another better. Working with Tantra, there are many ways to exchange sexual energy. Many of which do not involve any exchange of sexual fluids or intercourse. When I was practicing as a sex surrogate, I worked as part of a therapy team, usually with a psychologist or psychiatrist on board. We worked on his entire well-being including his intimacy and sexual skills. Occasionally intercourse was a part of their training to help them to hone their skills, become fully integrated and ready for their significant other.
On a few occasions I worked with virgins who came to me to learn and have their first experience. In these cases,I would have intercourse with the client as their initiation. After several sessions,as the culmination of a series in the art of love and pleasure.
In some ancient cultures from India and several other countries, at the age of puberty, every young man and woman would have a private sexual educator to educate and assist them in their sexual development. I think all men could benefit from such education and introduction to sex at any age. It’s never too late to start, as long as you’re willing to expand your points of view, tantra can work for anyone of any age. The more evolved you are when you begin, the higher you can soar!
The Sun : Mare Simone, calls herself a “sex surrogate” and has devoted her working life to helping men, women, and couples overcome problems in the bedroom. As a qualified sex surrogate, she has given lessons in love to more than 10,000 clients over the past 23 years.
My comment: I said I have intimate relations with most of my clients sometimes intimacy is with touch and other times just in conversation. Your idea that sex surrogacy equals sexual penetration is based on ignorance that there is only one way to be truly intimate. And that’s not true. Which is exactly what excites me about tantra– it’s a personal practice that builds a field of radiance so you come together at the highest level of your adult developed sexual being. And in the process healing wounds from any ghosts that may exist from their sexual past.
The Sun: And while she estimates she has had penetrative sex some of them, she insists there is nothing illegal about what she does. Mare says, “I earn my living by sleeping with other women’s husbands or boyfriends.
My comment: For the record I don’t sleep with my clients. I actually awaken them to become better lovers. And then send them home to love and sleep with their wives. In fact if I’m working with a married man who is not with his wife in session, I have him visualize his wife while we are doing practices that this might stimulate and focus his sexual energy home, towards her! I am in no way a prostitute as sex surrogacy is legal, as long as it is done in a therapeutic and healing atmosphere. A clear distinction between a sex surrogate from prostitution is how beneficial the session was for the days and weeks afterwards. That’s what really counts. I hope to leave them better than I found them. What did they gain from my teachings and services? Did they heal or learn something meaningful? And will it transform their lives for good in the most joyful and important ways? That is my aim and intention with each client I see.
“People are paying for counseling and to cure their problems – not sex. I am helping improve and change the sex lives of thousands of men, which means I am also helping improve the sex lives of their wives and girlfriends. Some women become baby surrogates because they want to help women who can’t have children. In the same way, I feel drawn to helping others have an intimate sex life. My job is so fulfilling and enjoyable. Seeing my customers leave with a new-found sexual confidence is a wonderful sight.”
Single Mare, world traveler, based in Southern California and sees clients internationally conducts around 5-10 sessions online and in person. She sees people from all walks of life. She says: “My clients are all ages, shapes, sizes and professions. They have either been recommended to see me by a sex therapist or former client, they find me online, or they seek me out through tantra and sexual surrogate organizations.
“The men generally need help with erection and premature ejaculation problems or have been sent by their wives because they weren’t pleasing them in bed. Before they see me, they all have an STD test, and must always use a condom with me. I also have some women come to me. Their problems are usually that they can’t orgasm and have often had some sort of sexual trauma. I show them how to pleasure themselves and make them love their bodies. Some visit me for a few sessions, while others have a series of 12, depending on the extent of their problems. Or the extent of their desires. All of my sessions start by chatting, I sometimes touch their hands or rub their feet to help them feel relaxed and comfortable with me. During the next few sessions I move to giving them back and shoulder massages, so the client relaxes further while talking about their problems. Following that, we do a mirror exercise. This is where the client and I will both take off our clothes and look at our bodies in the mirror. Usually, they feel very timid about their bodies and find it difficult to look at themselves. But when they realise I am not judging them, they begin to open up and feel confident. At that stage I move on to front body massages. I take over ‘down below’, showing them how they should be touching themselves. Finally, it’s time to put everything into practice. This is the stage of lovemaking, so they can learn how to control themselves and solve their sexual problems. My job is basically to make people realize their problems are not just physical. They are in the mind and have a lot to do with self-confidence.”
Mare has not always been so sexually open. At the age of 19, she was raped by a male friend after accepting a late-night lift home from a party. Too afraid to report the attack, she lost her confidence in men and sex. When she married her first husband, Victor, ten years later, she still could orgasm with him. She recalls:
“My fear of sex put a huge strain on my husband and I knew deep down it was due to the rape. I needed sexual healing but didn’t know where to find it. Overnight I went from being outgoing to being introverted. When I did date, I found making love brought back unhealed memories. When I married Victor, our sex life was never great and after four years we divorced but we have remained friends. It was then that a friend recommended I start reading about tantric sex and sexual surrogacy. Learning about this unknown world of sexual healing made me feel that there was hope for me to get my sexual confidence back.”
Mare took a weekend course in Tantra Yoga where she learnt about tantric sex, an ancient Hindu practice that concentrates on a slower form of sex. She says, “It was fascinating and during the course I also realised, for the first time, that the rape I had endured a decade before was not my fault. I could enjoy sex without feeling dirty, ashamed or guilty.”
She continued studying tantra and was certified in two lineages one being The Source School of Tantra Yoga where she studied with Charles and Caroline Muir for several years; and the other Ipsalu-Tantra Kriya Yoga.
She also did a two year long training program with Dr. Michael Perry MFCC in Southern California where she developed the skills of sex surrogacy practices and worked with his patients. She even produced a video with him called ‘Sexual Secrets, A Sex Surrogates Guide to Great Sex’.
Now, Mare spends most of her time writing and developing content to offer on-line to her growing clientele. She also offers phone consultations and teleseminars and sometimes webinars to people worldwide. She says, “I see about one or two people a day and charge around $200 per hour. Sometimes I will massage a husband in front of his wife or vice versa, to show them both how to be more sensitive lovers. Then I invite them to join me in massaging the other so the receiver is getting four-hands… and the other partner is learning a great deal. Often, couples find just talking openly to a third person about the problems in their love life helps in the bedroom.”
Although she is proud of her job, she still finds it difficult to tell strangers and family about her work. She also does not discuss it with any potential boyfriends until we know each other well. She says,”I usually tell them I am a yoga teacher, until I trust them enough to tell them the form of yoga I teach. Some can’t cope with it and run a mile, while others simply find it fascinating and are impressed. Well tantra is a yoga and so there was no lie in that and sacred sex is just a part of the total Tantra experience. Ultimately it is a path of enlightenment. A few trusted friends know what I do and my family knows but they rarely ask or want to know much about it. As part of my work, I regularly do sexual surrogacy tours, traveling the world, helping people with their most intimate problems. The last time I was in London I saw 30 clients, some who had booked me months in advance. It’s amazing how many people in the UK desperately want help with their sex lives, but have no idea where to turn. There are many sex surrogates in the US but they are extremely rare in the UK. People have to understand that intimate sex sometimes has to be learned. It does not come naturally to some people. The stress of modern life can cause problems and it’s my job to fix that. Since I started surrogacy work, I have seen more than 8,000 clients and estimate that I have had penetrative sex with around 20. And most of them became lovers! Witnessing the men and women I help make huge improvements and feel confident about their bodies is wonderful. In the 20 years I have been doing this job, I have never felt miserable about going to work. I love what I do and have no plans to retire within the next ten years. I am a sexual healer and so proud and happy that I found my dream job.”
End of The Sun article.
Looking back on that article now from 5 years ago, I see how much more I’ve grown to appreciate and value the power of sexual healing. When this article 1st came out I went in hiding feeling as though it had disgraced me and my profession. Cosmic going much deeper to understand the work of sexual healing. When you come to understand is that often times the wounds that occur and linger like a shield are often brought up when we try to love another and find ourselves blocked and unable to trust enough to be fully present.
Because of my sexual assault experiences from my past I feel strongly called to support others through that personal trauma and I know that often the most challenging times arise when you’re with a partner touching those places that have been charged with fear. What can you do in the moment to find comfort in present time? If you can recall that experience in an environment where you are loved, the experience can transform from fearful and dark to light filled love that be this you in a new light. Sexual wounds get washed away in the overlay being in the delights of pleasure. It’s like rewiring the brain to associate pleasure with positive joyful love! And overlaying a new association thereby discharging negative imprints and memories with love. Eventually the negative cesspool of shame that’s been hiding in the body gets a new light and transforms. This is the alchemy of sexual energy which I will continue in another post…
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Tantra does more than simply enhance one’s lovemaking skills. It teaches us to be more aware of the life force that is always flowing through us, and how to guide that flow consciously. The more you flow with it, the more it flows to you and through you to energize your life. The high energy flowing through our body and brain is very nourishing, balancing and rejuvenating. And couples who practice Tantra together give each other the gift of life through pleasure and joy. the greatest gift we can give one another, and it’s priceless! (more…)
I frequently encounter clients who, as they mature and their hormone levels shift, they begin to lose faith in their own sexuality.
Men become victims of the myth of the Perpetual Erection. It has always existed, but it’s become even more destructive because of the way in which the issue is treated in most pornography, which always features a purported Superman. That’s not reality. Often porn stars use Viagra or “fluffers”, women whose job it is to keep them aroused and hard for their performance. (more…)
Originally carried in La Chispa Magazine...
When you hear the word “tantra”, what comes to mind? A bubble bath for two, a candlelight massage, and a sensual escapade? Some forms of the media often present Tantra (also known as Sacred Sexuality) as an exotic version of sex. So, what’s happened to the “Sacred” in Sacred Sexuality? No wonder people are confused. (more…)
