Sexual Healing : Why we Need it

I used to be oblivious to the orgasmic potential in my body. Unaware of any pleasure past my clitoris and even that sometimes took more effort than it was worth. For the fleeting few seconds of release. Is that all there is?

Relying on vibrators was addicting and the more I used them the more numb I became. I just didn’t know what I didn’t know, which is a silent epidemic among most women worldwide.

Historically, women have been taught that their bodies are owned by their partner in marriage, to give them satisfaction. It was just a chore. So to keep the marriage happy, women like my mom learned to just endure sex. She never really knew its power except as a way to manipulate men to get what she wanted and negotiate she did. Though eventually she turned bitter and stopped playing the game.

The hunger that doesn’t get met, as a result, leaves us starving for the nourishment that somewhere deep inside our body needs to be fed. As a Tantric love coach, I’ve worked with numerous women who cannot orgasm, or so they say. Especially with penetration sex with a partner if he is on his own rhythm woman gets left in the dust as he gallops along to the finishing line.

So why are we not feeling met and what’s missing I’ve asked myself this question so many ways this timely answer comes to me in the awakening of my own great sea of possibilities.  I think I speak for many women when I say that intercourse is not so exciting, kind of numb, or even painful when I allow myself to feel without a few drinks to numb out once more… I hear that story time after time and then I realize why women “fake it”. This short-circuits the experience and keeps it at a very low vibrational survival level which causes such a deep void between men and women.

If men only knew where women could take to they would bow on their knees and serve her as the Creatress of life. The womb of a woman is the creative power source that can activate into whirlwinds of swirls bursting through the body, in bubbles of light. Exhilarating absolutely! Uplifting and inspiring giving energy and receiving blessings as the gift of the exchange. Tantric orgasm is like tapping into the source of life itself.

We can meet in the middle. In a woman’s flow, slower is often more valuable and rewarding like the rich maturation of fine wine.

That’s where tantra comes in blending the masculine and feminine energies so we need to heal and understand each other inside and out. Your inner standing connects us to the center where we meet physically, consciously and emotionally as well as physically in the world.

Because when we meet in the middle we’re both nourished in a way that leaves us better than started like that quality of love is an elixir from the heavens.

So as we think so we experience. On some level I think all women at some point in their life feel these deep yearning desires that don’t get met.

Fleeting is the pleasure that stimulation of the clitoris can bring. As wonderful as it is for those few seconds, then there’s a quick decline in arousal overshadowed by hypersensitivity, where it’s too sensitive to touch for a while. This is much like a man feels after he’s climaxed before he zones out to sleep.

But for women it’s just the beginning of her sexual pleasure potential, even if she doesn’t know anything beyond her clitoris, her love tunnel will nudge her every now and again to remind her that there’s more pleasure inside even if it’s hard to find. That was my experience until I was shown how to discover my Om zone portal of pleasure as a cosmic, multidimensional, richly delicious portal where time stands still in the quivering pulses of life.

Since then I’ve found that a clitoral orgasm is like the doorbell that if you bring it right, it opens the sacred gates to her temple of love inside. To get a woman to fully expand and receive the fullest effects of your love, you have got to take your time and activate all her centers and erogenous zones. From the outside in, to all the internal sweet spots too. G-Spot and OMG-Spot [aka cervix] in particular.

Tantra says that women can be be multi-orgasmic! That brings up the question why do so many women feel numb, frustrated, and disinterested in sex?

Statistics show us that nearly 70% of women have difficulties achieving a deeply satisfying orgasm with penetration!  Many women are so attached to their clitoral vibrator stimulators that they don’t know what they’re missing on the inside.

Problem with the vibrator is that it creates a short-circuit to pleasure after it reaches a peak and eventually causes more numbness and hyper-sensitivity; unless it’s used very lightly like a hot spice. Many women that I work with tell me that orgasm during intercourse is hit and miss, at best. Often it’s either numb or in some degree of pain.

This can be devastating when we told it’s supposed to be a place of amazing pleasure. Why is it numb??  What’s wrong with this picture! What can we do about it?

It naturally takes women longer to reach their highest pleasure peaks and some may worry that their man won’t last long enough for her to be satisfied and reach her highest heaven inside.

Her concern fuels the problem and makes it all the more challenging, because stress, anxiety, and worry are orgasms enemies. They activate the fight or flight response which you don’t want in the bedroom.

Men are hard-wired to naturally come quick to insure that they sow their seeds and procreate the species. So when testosterone is high the urge to release is very difficult to control.

But Tantra has a solution for that to train a man to expand and become more multi-orgasmic too!

But to reach the most sublime states of intimacy, men need to learn how to at least slow down and enjoy the journey more, so his Queen can relax, open fully and receive more deeply.

I can identify with this as I was one of many women who couldn’t reliably climax with a partner. I felt broken with frustration, pressure and anxiety which exasperated the situation.

It burdens the relationship when women put this responsibility entirely their partner to be their healer and awakener. Yet it’s been a part of our cultural conditioning that men take the initiative in sex.  In this case learning to read her body language is essential as the body expressions and positions can say much more than words. Breath and sounds of her body are good cues to follow. When you breath in sync, you start to feel each other more.

Then enter the realm of sounds and see what unfolds…

Unless your partner is a trained sexual healer, it’s important for women know her own body enough that she can tap into her O-Zone within her body. Share it. Invest in it so it may grow.

Then she can educate her partner, if he’s willing to follow her lead.  I can assure you it’s worth the journey even if it feels vulnerable and scary. That’s when the deepest transformations can take place.

Here’s a massage tool that can help open the gates of Heaven by releasing and dearmoring numbness and pain, with conscious love.

Cervix wand-  Click on the image to see more….

Click on this link to see this tool and how to get it for yourself. Or for a friend...

Click on this link to see this tool and how to get it for yourself. Or for a friend…

Classes in Tantra Touch for Healing and Empowerment coming this Fall, 2022 

Yoni Wisdom: Healing Touch

When it’s time to blossom…
TRANSFORM Numbness and Pain, to AWAKEN Sacred Pleasure
Some women feel pain with sex inside especially with deep, hard penetration all the way to the cervix. This is especially true if thrusting is rigorous and she’s not fully open and receptive. Potential pleasure is not accessible, rather retreated like a turtle in a shell.
 
Be patient and allow the release to unfold. If sadness or anger occurs, pour love into her eyes and kiss her gentle and loving. Don’t tell her to stop crying. Rather give her space to feel and release the past pain so she can be free to be fully present in the joy of authentic intimacy.
 
Making love is a profound medicine for our hearts and sex organs. Especially when we can stay conscious with our eyes open so we can see, here and feel to fully absorb the love that we’re making.
 
But often love brings up everything unlike itself, in order to be healed.
That’s part of the process, and why it’s so important to stay present, and understand as a giver you are there to hold space.  Give her room to rage if she needs, until she gets it out of her system and then that rage turns into liberated passion. 
 
Beware of the lure of dark patterns that can get lodged rather than released. If it seems to go on longer than necessary, remind her and yourself, to breathe in the love in the present moment.
Conscious breaths where there is love presence can have a deep and impactful healing effect when the heart holds stagnant moments and memories.
Recognize its value in the here and now, let her know you and there for her. Holding space for her to let go.
 
Even if you don’t fully understand what’s coming up, you don’t have to. Just ground yourself in your breath and encourage her to believe 3 breathe deeply and release whatever is blocking her with a sound . Sound is a magical component because it expresses the very energy that a person is feeling without the words to analyze it or judge.
Vocalizing will help to empower her to express and release stuck energy. Try to mimic her sounds so you can feel her vibration which aligns you onto the same frequency of feeling. It’s very primal body talk powerful healing and super sexy at the same time.
Pour love into painful places and be patient. The deepest spot is also a place where we harbor emotions of trauma and shame, buried in the darkest parts of our love-tunnel. That includes the base chakra anal massage as well.
 
With tender words of love and eye contact, intend to replace phantom pains and fears with conscious present love. It’s a healing that no doctor can provide. A beloved or Tantric healer can touch these places in the ways that can transform past pains with positive, orgasmic and even ecstatic best ever transformational feelings.
 
You can also bless and awaken these dark painful places with a  wand-like tool. This could be any type of wand. Even a peeled cucumber will do. I like to use a phallus of rose quartz, for love.
 
Massage the painful areas gently and slowly with stillness… pause with pressure whenever there is tension to soften tight tissue and release old memories of fear and pain.
Forgive your body for holding those memories for so long. Release them in the exhale and breathe in love.
 
Is it time to say so long to old armored past and related phantom pain, which no longer serves you? Choose to let love in starting with forgiveness and acceptance of yourself.
 
Healing through self-love is an extremely important and powerful part of the process.
You most likely will find it helpful to have a guide to support you through the darkest shadows of harbored emotions.  Sometimes it’s hard to see our light in the shadows.
I used to have that issue wreck havoc in my love-life until I learned to trust enough to relax completely. This requires an immense amount of willingness and the desire to open,  breathe, and allow feelings to flow. Move through the pain and numbness of the past by opening to present love.
 
Letting go makes room to feel who you really when you release the past. Pain often transforms hidden pleasures unveiled.
The release of tension becomes energy freed up to expand and exhilarate! Pulsing pleasure is pure and sacred medicine.
 
I find the most profound soulful orgasms occur when I can fully relax and able to open and be filled with full penetration without any resistance. 
 
So I’ve learned and love to teach…
To feel inside of a woman’s sex, first meet her with your breath, your lips, tones, and then touch. If you’re a good fit for her lock, she may open the very depths of her being to you. Open to her core, as deep as she can expand to receive your love fully!
Such wondrous mysteries women can awaken within! When we feel safe enough to be free… to open fully and let a conscious partner into our deepest most vulnerable parts, we can be in hours of bliss within. Then sex becomes a luscious meditation on the energy of ecstasy.

Sacred Sexual Music Festival

Join us to celebrate sex in sacred ways.

2 day event celebrating sexuality with music and sacred guides.

Sacred pleasure is calling you to awaken and align

So you can empower your body & soul in Energy-O’s.

Oh the power of the afterglow. O behold the sparkle that lingers.

Experience conscious loving, sensual and sexual intimacy.

Are you ready to embrace the power of your O-Energy?
How can pleasure empower your life and your mission?

We’ll explore that in depth at the Sacred Sexual Music Festival
Welcome to a music festival that speaks and sings: Sacred Sexuality!

I was invited by my lovely friend Wendy who produced it. This is the 4th festival of its kind that only the 1st online. I’m fascinated and excited to contribute. It seems like an inviting platform for me to explore and express O-Energy.

The Sacred Sexual Music Festival serves as an educational, social, and spiritual gathering place for those who seek to listen deeply, share, heal, transform, laugh, cry, play, and remember when our bodies were seen and honored as sacred.

​The intent of the Festival is to highlight the importance of:

* healthy, shame-free pleasure
* education around sexuality
* conscious divine awareness of our bodies
* info on tantra and sexual shamanism
* healing issues around sexuality
* respect and honor for our sacred bodies
Sexuality is so often underground, ignored, or unconsciously acted out. The exploration of this territory – consciously and respectfully – tends to be liberating and powerful.

SEE: https://SacredSexualMusicFestival.com for more info!

I’ll share there on Sunday, exploring the Power of O-Energy.

Adventure into your deepest, darkest; and brightest, most delicious self.

Open to receive. Overflowing love, be blessed in Whole-Body-O’s. Learn to Guide O-Energy up your spine… into your body for healing and activating.
https://www.sacredsexualmusicfestival.com/
———————————————————————————
SURVEY TO CONNECT MORE DIRECTLY

CLICK HERE- https://surrvey.app/f/oenergy

Take this survey to Explore and Embody your Ecstasy
And help me create the ideal course for your interests.

O-Energy:
Opens the circuits between the body and brain to flow…
Explore and Expand your O.
Tap into your genius OMG-ZONE.

Privately or in a group with me and other O-Energy
Your pleasure is my honor. I love to support your journey.

For more info on Private Sessions email me.

Love,
Mare Simone
TantraMare@gmail.com

Re-Flowering: Women Transforming Sex ~ Sacred Sisterhood

 

Monthly!  3rd Saturday of the month. 

Nurturing Tantra-Time for Women Only

Yoni Puja is a ritual to clear your past and re-awaken your sacred flower as your Source of pleasures, wisdom and Creative Energy.

“Deflowering” is a term used to describe “losing” one’s virginity. Two negative terms to describe the awakening of a woman’s sacred chambers of creation.

“ReFlowering”  honors and re-awaken Your Sacred Temple  to its original state of pure unity; free of trauma, shame or fear.

Tantric meditations with flowers, fruits and mudras [power positions of the hands] are used to activate this energy; fully clothed. Or not.

  • Come with an open heart to heal, explore and discuss sexuality
  • Share in Women’s mysteries, magic and delicious possibilities.
  • Leave with luscious discoveries with a new view of yourself.
    Tantric shifts that stay with you. Meet some new friends too!
  •  At a private residence LA, CA USA: address given upon registration
    $15 in advance $20 at door | 2 for 1 – Bring a Friend Free!

Confirm your space hereRe-Flowering

Refunds are offered as credit for any classes, other events or coaching sessions providing you inform Mare by text ASAP. Space is limited.  If you need to cancel please text ASAP.

Helpers and Apprentices Wanted

Hiring – Virtual & Local

I need a team of folks with a passion for empowering pleasure world-wide! So I am posting this to my tribe… Pass it on!

Web-Master to update my site with SEO tags, compliances, commerce etc…
Graphic Artist, Brand Designer + logo HELP

Virtual Assistant: Newsletter, Mailing Lists, Private Email asst. and Social Media Marketing- Name your specialties this could likely be more than one position.

Personal Assistant: Local Help with Workshops and more!

Webinar Tech Support 

Video Editor  

Graphic Art  

Book Editor 

Local: Los Angeles, CA

Help with meetups and workshops

Video/Photographer 

Body Work & Tantra Massage

Dance and Partner Yoga Players to play with

Passionate People to interview for my upcoming Podcast on Empowering Pleasure

Pay negotiable. Interns and exchanging services for sessions and classes is most welcome.

Offering Private & Group Coaching Tantra Sessions on the phone or Skype. Workshops and Sessions by arangement.

The way that I work with my clients, students and apprentices is usually a combination of sessions on Skype or phone and in person.

Apply at: Mare@MareSimone.com

Please send a letter of introduction and tell  me why you would like to work with me! Please submit your resume and samples of your work, when applicable. Tell me why you’re inspired. What do you desire in exchange?! Salary and/or services negotiable.

All applicants will be reviewed and responded to.

 

 

 

 

 

Goddess Swap – Tantra Talk, Dance and Ecstatic Breathwork… Women Only!

Sisters love

Details & Register here

2 – 3pm: Gather. Greet and Eat!
3 – 5pm: Tantra Time: Talk and experiential practices to awaken and activate our Bliss Bodies.

Come early to help setup and get first pick in the giveaway. I’ve got tons of clothes, music CDs and books to give! Go home with treasures and new friends.

Goddess Girl-Talk on deep topics of love, sexual healing, and Tantra sex tips. Fire breath orgasm, and sacred spot massage.

I’m feeling called to form a core group of women to meet regularly. Larger circles too.

This event is for Women only, because I want to get to know you and empand my juicy rich Women’s Tantra tribe with local LA ladies.

I envision us doing deep Tantric, empowering work with one another. If you feel called, please come!

BRING: Clothes, accessories, decor and fun stuff you’re ready to clean out of your scene. * NEED: PORTABLE CLOTHES RACK or MIRRORS Please! Can never have too many!

* Excess stuff will be donated to charities that support abused Women.

$20 – Donation appreciated -or-
FREE – When you Bring HEALTHY finger foods & HELP where needed, instead. Volunteer!

HELP WANTED: TECH, IT Help in organizing and promoting this and a few other Meetup groups.

ASSISTANTS: Local or Virtual! Savvy Social Media Marketing. Email. Newsletter etc.
Location: South LA near downtown. Address given upon registration.

>> If you can host a future event, let me know.  Free for Host and 1 or 2 friends!  Seeking compatible, environments in LA.

Details & Register here

 

Male Multiples: Fact or Fiction?

sexymanwomen_playful

Pop culture is ripe with references to women being multi-orgasmic. Women are generally more sensual, sensitive, and nurturing than men. It is discouraging for a man to be told that you are not capable of being able to connect at the same heights as your female partner.

Most men have experienced, at one point or another, dissatisfactory sex. It is easy to put the pressure on yourself, “I have to perform! I have to make her orgasm! I have to be the best lover she has ever had! A modern-day Casanova.” Despite this, many men suffer from premature ejaculation, difficulty getting or maintaining an erection, delayed ejaculation, or simply not quite knowing what to do once “it’s in.” You learn that you are supposed to be dominant. “Be a man,” they say. But what does it mean to be a man?

Is it possible that men are capable of attaining the same mental, emotional, and spiritual heights as women through sexual expression? We look to explore this concept through the concept of multiple orgasms.

It is difficult to enjoy the experience of having sex with a loved one when you are worried about when you will ejaculate. The harder you try to suppress the urge, the quicker you ejaculate. Plus, you are not able to be fully present because of the constant worry over cumming too soon. When it happens, you become apologetic, “I’m so sorry,” or make up excuses, “This usually never happens! It’s been awhile. I’m actually good… I just haven’t done it in a while.”

The truth is, this is all a mask for a lack of sexual mastery. It is difficult for men to speak about these struggles with one another, so they bury it deep into their subconscious, only to have it arise when entering a new relationship with a woman and having to face that dragon all over again. Most men are ill-equipped to have these types of conversations, and it’s not something spoken about in traditional American schools.

Wouldn’t it be great if you didn’t have to worry about having an orgasm, because another one was around the bend?

Well you don’t have to worry or wait in anguish for the next round. In Tantra you can come without going away. This is so liberating as it takes you out of the worry zone and deeply into the moment, where ease and flow create!

It’s amazing when orgasm does not mean that you have to loose your power and wait in sheer embarrassment praying for your penis to become erect again…

Most guys have sex for a few minutes and then come, falling asleep in the arms of his unsatisfied lover. There is much truth to this stereotype. Men typically become tired after ejaculating, and the process of refraction is scientifically normal in men. It takes time for the blood to flow back into the penis. Mentally, men are “checked out” once they ejaculate, and it takes time for them to become mentally aroused again. They are satiated, and have to work up an appetite to go for multiple rounds.

The truth about multiple orgasms for men is that they are possible, but it takes training and commitment. It takes self-control. It is not about withholding the orgasms, as some traditionalists may advise.

Rather, it is about diverting the ejaculation, inward and outward, so that it can build into an ongoing stream of pleasurable energy that may look and feel like an orgasm, but does not involve an ejaculatory release. Attaining this level of sexual mastery requires deep relaxation and focus. Through learning this process, a man can not only become multi-orgasmic, but experience an entirely new sensation: a whole body orgasm!

Ordinary “friction sex” consists of experiencing the orgasm and ejaculation simultaneously. However, these sensations are actually separate functions which stem from opposite sides of the nervous system. It is possible, with training, to experience these two sensations independent of one another.

It is possible for a man to ejaculate without feeling much physical pleasure at all. Most men have experienced this at least once in their lives. Therefore, it must be possible that a man can increase the pleasure volume while decreasing the sense of urgency to release.

To be clear, multiple orgasms and full body orgasms are not the same thing. Men who experience multiple orgasms frequently enjoy pleasurable sensations that are similar to those women feel during a session of multiple orgasms. They report a sense of lightness and tingling that radiates warmth throughout their bodies, carrying with it a nourishing energy that flows through their entire being. This expanded state of arousal can last and last, indefinitely!

The practice of Tantra teaches us that prolonged, multiple orgasms can occur without the feelings of depletion, tiredness, and lethargy that often follow ejaculation.

In ordinary Western sex, a man is spent after he ejaculates a single time, especially after the age of 35 when his hormone levels begin to decline. During an ejaculation, a man loses significant amounts of proteins, vitamins, minerals, and vital life forces. Many major stories point to this mysterious “life force,” from religions to Greek myths. Any man who has gone a week without masturbating can attest to increased energy—that is the “life force” in reference here. This extra energy, joie de vivre.

After an ejaculation, the brain releases sleep hormones, which lead to what I like to call “snorgasms” often complained about by women in their therapists’ offices.

The word “orgasm” is derived from ancient Greek, and means, “to become engorged; a fullness and ripeness that can occur in any organ of the body.” This is different than the modern definition of “orgasm.” However, the ancient Greek definition is quite similar to the Tantric view. In Tantra, the orgasm is not the goal that results at the culmination of a sexual experience. Rather, it a state of aroused awareness that can occur literally anywhere and everywhere throughout the body.

The practice of Tantra teaches us how to reach this physical, mental, and spiritual state by being receptive to the energy flowing through us. By focusing on this energy, we can become deeply aroused while remaining mentally present and centered from within.

This state of mind is the cornerstone for experiencing amazingly satisfying orgasmic experiences. There is simply no “goal” or “performance” to work towards. Rather, this experience is about fully enjoying what is happening in the present moment. This allows men to approach sex from a stance that is anxiety-free, and enjoy any type of sex they wish to have with the sexual partner. They can choose to have quick, passionate sex, but now it will be just that: a choice. They do not have to be slaves to their basic sexual instinct. They can also choose to have slow, intimate sex where they connect with their partner in a way not possible when driven by instinct alone.

The more men and women linger in this state together, the more energy and vitality we are able to absorb, further revitalizing us. This type of orgasm is deep, limitless, and a constant source of powerful energy that can be transmuted into every aspect of life, from creative pursuits to tending to loved ones.

While men cannot control the actual climax once it is occurring, they can learn to ride its waves and experience the immense pleasure and joy it brings. It is similar to a swimmer learning to surf: while he cannot control the ocean, the surfer learns to connect to the power of the ocean. Instead of being overcome by incoming waves, the surfer can eventually become skillful end mindful enough to play with the waves, enjoying the ride.

Maintaining a heightened level of pleasure throughout a series of non-ejaculatory, yet orgasmic, sexual experiences provides numerous benefits to the mind and body. This, in the Tantric view, frequent ejaculation can be depleting because the process of ejaculation causes the man to lose vital energies and nutrients.

On the other hand, after a session of sustaining a high level of pleasure, but not ejaculating, a man can actually feel rejuvenated and energized in the afterglow.

Everyone is entitled to experiencing the pleasure their own bodies allow. I do not agree with austere Taoists who profess that men should never ejaculate unless the intention is procreation. Most men find these methods much too technical, making it difficult to follow through with the practice with any degree of success, or pleasure, for that matter. Not to mention the difficult position it places women in to be in a relationship with a man who is practicing these techniques. It is not sexy, to say the least.

This type of belief is also popular in conservative religions, often viewing pleasure as hedonistic and, ultimately, sinful. This is a negative view of sexual experience that has proven unhealthy for humanity again and again.

I do believe that when the ejaculation occurs as a final state of highly orgasmic interaction, it should be done consciously, with wisdom and intention. When a man “plants his seed” along with an intentional thought or vision, it becomes infused with the creative life force, whether the goal is to create a baby, or to create an empowered reality.

The path to becoming a multi-orgasmic male requires discarding many former modes of thinking, such as envisioning the man as the dominant “performer” in the relationship, who has to give his partner orgasms and fuck her all night long like a character out of a pulp novel. The true experience of multi-orgasmic sex is actually more pleasurable, and satisfying, than any of these pulp authors can even imagine.

It means actually experiencing pleasure in new ways. It requires commitment, mental practice, and an openness to learning new facets of your body. Your body has more features than you currently know. Following the Tantric methods outlined in my blog posts, and taught at my seminars, provides a plan to learning how to develop into a man who is truly confident in their sexuality, and can give and receive pleasure beyond the norm. The path to male multiple orgasms is not easy, but it surely is worth the effort.

A Tantric Sex Surrogate explains how to increase intimacy for more powerful orgasms

sex-tips-from-a-tantric-sex-surrogate-mare-simone

In the vast and Cosmo-flavored world of sex tips, there’s an overabundance of technical advice in circulation.

Touch her g-spot like so. Try the corkscrew blowjob. Put a pillow under your ass.

That kind of stuff.

Yet, there’s next to nothing out there that offers advice on how to build the intimacy that makes those techniques actually work. After all, you can only trace the alphabet on someone’s prostate so well without the viable emotional connection that makes it really fucking good … regardless of how fleeting that connection may be.

That’s a problem that Mare Simone solves every day in her practice. Simone is a certified tantric educator, sex surrogate and author who helps men and women learn to clear emotional and physical sexual blocks and view sex as an empowering, helpful tool. Part of that work includes instructing couples and individuals on how to build and maintain intimacy during sex, partially because the ability to create intimacy leads to greater confidence, and partially because more powerful orgasms happen from what she describes as a more “open, vulnerable state.”

Never ones to shy away from anything that makes us come more professionally, we asked her for some tips on how to create the intimate connection that primes us for a better bang.

Become a pro at eye contact

“I love to start couples facing each other, sitting up,” Simone says. “I have them talk about what they love about each other,  what they’d love more of, and what they’d love to experience with each other (like a fantasy or a desire) … all while looking into each other’s eyes and breathing those words in. When you maintain eye contact while talking about sexual desires, it really builds intimacy before the touch, which makes the actual touch more powerful when it does happen. Sometimes when you verbalize what you love or need, it can feel vulnerable or naked. But, it allows you to become open and let love, pleasure and acknowledgement in. That makes for really great sex.”

She also recommends incorporating eye contact into actual sex as well.

“Anytime you touch, touch with eye contact. Make love with your eyes open. It’s so rich … it feels like you’re diving deep into this pool and not shutting your eyes because you’re afraid of what’s at the bottom,” she adds.

But, it’s not like you have to keep your peepers wrenched open A Clockwork Orange-style; she fully acknowledges that there are times when it feels right to close them and sink into pleasure. In general though, she explains that the more eyes-open you are, the more connected you can be and the more powerful orgasms you can have.

“There’s a penetration of sorts that happens with eye contact,” she says. “And it can be really intense when you’re also having sex — it’s like you’re being penetrated from both sides.”

Experiment with face and hand caressing

“This, to me is one of the most beautiful things,” Simone says. “I love hand holding, hand touching, those sort of things. And sometimes when someone touches my face, it just feels so warm and giggly and sweet, like it activates some part of my inner child. That in itself is opening.”

One of the best positions she recommends for hand stuff is to have one partner place their hand downwards, and the other placing theirs upwards on top so they can feel the polar opposite of the other person. Then, from there, Simone suggests you play around with movement in your hands and fingers by stroking each other’s palms, wrists and fingertips. Even though doing this is nonverbal, Simone says it can help couples explore a lot of communication and sensation with each other; something that also works to build sexual tension and make each person feel more connected.

Long, caressing strokes to build tension

Simone is a big advocate of the long, slow, delicate stroke.

“Have one person put their hands up and receive their partner’s touch, while the other caresses their body. Start slowly at their face and, then make your way down the sides of their arms to their chest, finally finishing at their fingertips. Then, with permission, caress their breasts (if they have them), coming down across their stomach to their inner thighs.

Making these long, caressing strokes connects the body to the mind, which makes it much more emotional-feeling,” she says. “That’s where you become really open and the sex becomes really good. When you do this, you become vulnerable, so there’s no real game playing or social scripting of traditionally “sexy” roles. It’s just what you mean and what you feel.”

Do a little dance

On the more erotic end of the spectrum, Simone recommends you build tension and intimacy by dancing for your partner. It can be a sitting dance, or one standing up; a stripping thing or a more conservative one — whatever feels comfortable and gives your partner a display of your body. Of course, maintaining eye contact during the deed can make it that much more powerful.

If you crack up, you crack up. Try not to — we double dog dare you. Even if it’s the more masculine doing the dancing, Simone says the humor of it can cut through to the more relaxed, vulnerable place that makes the body more open for intimacy.

Moan together, in sync

“This can be immense if you can actually harmonize your orgasms,” Simone says. “But even if you can’t, sharing the same breath and sound intensifies things a lot. In tantra, energy moves on sound, so you double the energy when you sound together.”

That’s not to say that spontaneously moaning when your partner does will make you come or make the sex revolutionary … it’s more about doing it when it feels natural to. But, like all forms of breathing exercises, it does really place you in the moment. It’s hard to think about their sweaty, lumbering man boobs or the curious way your dad tries to tell you he loves you when you’re synchronizing your breath with someone while they squirt on your showiest throw pillows.

Sex | Rooster Magazine On-Line December 21, 2016 By Isabelle Kohn

 

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Nervous System and Fast Responses

Hear Mare discuss the role the nervous system plays in our sexual lives. (1:24)

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