The majority of women are unaware of their own mystique and sexual powers!  In fact most have barely experienced a glimpse of their orgasmic potential. We keep hearing that women are capable of being multi-orgasmic . Yet statistics show us that nearly 60% of women have difficulties achieving even one deeply satisfying orgasm!  Why is that?  What’s wrong with this picture!

It usually takes women longer to reach their pleasure peaks and so they often worry that their man won’t last long enough for them to be satisfied and reach a climax.  This compounds the problem and makes it all the more challenging, because stress and worry are orgasms worst enemy.  To make matters worse, men are hard-wired to come quickly to make sure that they sow their seeds in order to procreate the species.  They need to learn how to slow down and enjoy the journey more, so that women can too.

I can identify with this as I was one of the 60% of women who couldn’t reliably climax with a partner. I know the frustration, pressure and anxiety this can cause, which exasperates the situation. It burdens the relationship when women put this responsibility entirely on men. Yet it’s been a part of our cultural conditioning that men take the initiative in sex and when left to their own devices and instincts, men have not been very successful yet in finding the solution. Their sexual response comes rather spontaneously easy to rise and easy-to-fall into the abyss of bliss. This leaves a woman feeling unloved and incomplete.

It’s important for women to take matters into their own hands enough so that they can fully understand the pleasure potential that’s within her and how to access it.

Then she can educate her man, if he’s willing to take the adventure with her lead.  I can assure you it’s worth the journey even when it feels vulnerable and especially when it’s scary. That’s the greatest healing takes place.

I’d like to give you 3P’s to give a woman profound pleasure:  – Presence - Patience & Potency

Presence:  For most women erotic interest starts with the heart. She yearns to feel a connection that lets you know that she is loved, desired, seen  and really valued for all her wonderful characteristics. The more beautiful and cherished a woman feels with her man, the more likely she is to blossom fully in the warmth of his love. I’ve  experienced within myself that when I’m fully present and seen by my partner that intense excitement and incredible sensations can send a flood of warm tingling pleasure; sometimes without even touching!

The connection begins in the brain with the feeling of knowing that she is valued and loved completely which then allows her to easily surrender and let go totally. Total surrender allows her to open herself completely and receive your wildest passion. An artist of love can allure a woman to open and discover places neither she nor he knew existed!

When a man is off in his head fantasizing a scene he saw in a porn film somewhere… or thinking baseball scores to try and last long enough to satisfy her, the key element of connection is missing. Without connection it’s more like mutual masturbation which then reduces the experience to just trying to get off instead of celebrating a loving connection. When a woman feels like she’s just an object rather than a partner, she withholds her greatest treasures of pleasure.

Patience.  I encourage women to explore themselves and find their own rhythm and pace so that when met with their man, they can knowingly guide him to slow down enough so that she may tune-in to her pleasurable possibilities. This is especially important in the early stages of arousal when the desire is just beginning to stir and well before she begins to feel defeated. Frustration is toxic to an erotic environment. It comes off as needy, greedy and all about me.  A surefire passion killer.  I know I’ve been there too.

Start out slowly with the intention to build her desire arousing all of her erogenous zones and make an effort to explore more than the primaries. Delve deeply to discover exquisite pleasures that are possible yet dormant in her, yearning to be awakened. Women need to relax d-e-e-p-l-y and let their bodies feel and respond naturally to arousal. Breathe deep together and feel the sensations grow from subtle to sublime!

For women who don’t know what they like, want or need in the moment, as they’re always different… Don’t be afraid to explore. It’s fun to discover pleasure together and it empowers your man to be your Sex-God! A man who loves you is happiest when he can make you happy!   So don’t be shy or afraid to ask what your body needs. Learn to listen to your body and guide your partner to create a win-win.  He will thank you!   Men absolutely love to serve and please  their lovers… Right GUYS?

Making it an adventure to discover and explore and to numbness in the pleasure pain and sadness into joy together! And here’s how you can do it and make fun!  You’ll both enjoy it!

Important caveat: being with women who’ve been psychologically or physically abused sexually most likely requires some healing. This could be overwhelming for a partner to provide a container safe enough for her, without getting triggered. In those cases it’s helpful to find a coach or therapist who is qualified to guide the journey safely home.

You can learn techniques of sexual healing that you can use when trauma is activated.  This is discussed in-depth in another programs. Private coaching, Skype, Seminars all the way up to Certified Education at the Source School of Tantra.

2/10 women reportedly have been raped or sexually violated in ways it caused her to shut down. I believe many more than reported cases exists and that many women don’t report it because of shame and fear.

The emotional healing take some time and occurs in stages. For some it’s a  a short term glitch. Yet other times it a much deeper trauma that stirs up and unravels her family history of sexual abuse down to the cellular level…  as was the case in my experience.

I know, this is deep stuff! And it can get pretty scary sometimes. I caution you to get support when it’s overwhelming. But think of it as taking out the garbage. Or healing the wound of the past, with present, patient, prolonged pleasure.  No agenda but to help her blossom.

Women’s vaginas are like flowers! Before they blossom they need warmth and time to open naturally with desire !!

If there are glitches in her ability to feel fully responsive, which may be felt as pain or numbness instead of pleasure, know that those are wounds coming up from the past that can be healed in the power of the present.

In extremes or if she’s just been raped, read helpful guide: A Man’s Guide To Helping a Woman Who’s Been Raped by Matthew Atkinson, LCSW
Potency:  Here’s some powerful, wisdom about potency. You have a magic wand pulsing between your legs. It’s a wand that can light up your woman’s body and do amazing things to her which can make you light up even more. Also true for or a man if you happen to love men.

Men! Your penis is a wand of light and awesome power. Think of it as your teacher.  So study and learn from it well.

Here’s a tip to help you spread pleasure throughout your whole body.

Imagine that your erection is connected all the way down the base of your body to your tailbone and up your spine. Your body is designed so that it’s you can feel pleasure rise all the way up your spine. Orgasms can rise up your spine when your spine is properly awakened. This takes the practice of yoga and stretching, using your spine more fluidly to keep it open to receive this much pleasure. Most men/women have muscle memories that cause tension and stresses which prevent us from feeling full body pleasure. Through massage and active movement of the spine you can begins to raise your orgasmic ability.

My clients tell me that like having a full body erection! I like that image a lot because it gives you 6 feet instead of 6 inches to feel intensely aroused.  That gives you a lot more room for pleasure to expand.

So hold the vision of pleasure rising up your spine and when you feel arousal breathe it up your spine… while moving your spine so as to invite the sensation of pleasure inward and upward! The benefits of this are vast as it rises it nourishes the organs in your body. Ancient Taoists and Tantric’s and others have known this for ages.

It’s time we all awaken and discover the power of pleasure within our whole body.

See it in your minds eye rising up through your belly as you breathe deeply into your belly… expand it!  Allow pleasure to enter your belly and grow through you.… it starts in your brain. As your thoughts are your greatest erotic trigger. So if you’re good with fantasizing to get off, try this out instead. Visualize your erotic energy as healing light. Let it fill your belly.

Breathe deeply inviting pleasure’s to rise inward, opening yourself to be filled with rejuvenating life forces!

Try connecting arousal throughout your body [or to any part that ails you for healing energy can be delivered there.]You will find that your wand NOW has a wider range of sensations which helps you last longer.  And live longer with a whole lotta love and laughter!

So that’s my gift to you and I hope you find it valuable. I’d love to hear your thoughts about this in the comments section. If you’d like more guidance in this journey of awakening, I can be your orgasmic awakener and would love to support your quest!

Throughout my profession as an Intimacy Coach I have witnessed thousands of men, women and couples learn to open their hearts and truly connect with one another more authentically, both in and out of bed. The afterglow that springs forth from this degree of intimate connection can last a lifetime!

Statistics tell us that over 70% of women are not easily orgasmic through intercourse and more than 60% of men would like to be able to last-longer in order to more deeply satisfy his partner. But the fact is men are hard-wired to procreate and most men don’t know how to relax while they are aroused long enough for their partners to fully enjoy to their highest potential. So most women are left feeling a sense of frustration and eventually loose interest in sex.

More than tips on how to have more fun in bed, although it will be a fun and profound adventure for anyone who embarks on this journey… it’s really about love, making love. And how to make love last longer and more fulfilling in every way. Because it starts in the heart. When our hearts and other parts are happy and satisfied, we attract success in all areas of life.

I envision a book which includes website with a community of coaches who offer a few hrs a week to provide free support, coaching and teachings. We will record and archive these sessions and create a library of real sessions as ongoing free sessions to be documented.

My high intention is to create a series like this that will help lovers, make love more consciously through the union of ancient and modern sexual wisdom. We will offer Tantra blended with intimate communication skills and emotional release techniques. We draw from a pool of methods that are highly effective in resolving past issues of love and sexuality which may block ones ability to connect deeply with a lover in present time. 

The group helps people learn and heal by experience of their own or vicariously by witnessing others learn intimacy skills. 

CASTING for couples who would like to be documented, while exploring, having fun and having breakthroughs in loving better!  Be willing to  be truthful, open to learn, share and grow with the group, with yourself and your partner. 

We also welcome other Love Coaches and Sex Therapists to join and participate.  Post text, video or audio case histories and share your processes with the group.  Start a discussion and share your gifts…

It’s so incredibly powerful to witness someone experience personal growth in ways that & transform their lives. This online community provides support from Qualified Coaches and Therapists. As well as to friends, family and others who are drawn to this journey. Join us to support and witness the power of conscious loving in action!

Monique and Nate Darling are the first couple and helped inspire this vision through the process of documenting their progress with learning to love each other more playfully.  Their story is so moving, they love to share and they do it well. 

I’m feel compelled to support them in their progress to help their love soar.  I hope you will join us! Please share whatever you feel called to. Pictures, words, funds etc, as are all appreciated. 

The Darlings were featured with me on Nationwide TV – on TLC,  The Learning Channel this Spring season 2011! 

Stay tuned as they continued to evolve and grow a lot since the shoot, in JAN, 2011.

Seeking webmaster to design and help maintain the site in exchange for tantra sessions!

In the first year of my tantra training

I shared an intensive week with 30 others at a tantra boot camp in the magnetic red rocks of Sedona, Arizona.     We transformed  a former Chinese restaurant with crimson dragons that greet you, waterfalls and gardens to delight your senses… , into a luscious Tantra temple.    Together we did some life transforming work that week.

We were guided in many ‘clearing and reclaiming power’ exercises over the course of 7 days and nights.  Men were encouraged to exercise and nourish their libido by getting aroused and sustaining it for longer and longer periods of time; without ejaculating for the entire week.

Playing at the edge without going over, allowed men to expand their capacity and range for pleasure.  The sexual tension created so much testosterone I was dripping with excitement.

The Big O was an intense prolonged peak which filled me was so much energy it electrified me.

It not only gave us amazing, expanded orgasms together but it instilled an exuberance the continued on days later.  This kind of orgasm leaves a lasting impact of being recharged and reborn!  (more…)